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Wattching Movies: 2018 Film Rankings

  • Writer: Watt
    Watt
  • Feb 24, 2019
  • 16 min read

Kill It With Fire

Frankly, the worst movie I have ever seen in theaters. The jokes would have been stale if they were in the 2001 original, and many of them were because the movie is the laziest of rehashes, but 17 years later it was especially depressing.

This movie is absolutely insane and I have no idea who the audience possibly was for its off-putting and tonally all over the place real world drama or its uncanny valley nightmare CGI doll companion narrative. A career worst performance by Steve Carell and I have seen portions of Evan Almighty while flipping channels. Thoughts and prayers to Leslie Mann, hopefully she finds a new agent.


Dead On Arrival

I’m always confused by the appeal of expanding a near perfect 25 min special that is already padded by some musical numbers. Once again the Grinch is given an unnecessary tragic backstory and he isn’t even really mean or evil to start, just mildly antisocial. Props to Keenan Thompson though, who is delightful as always.

A dumber rehash of the taking the dinosaurs off the island story told in Jurassic Park 2 but with the joy of Jeff Goldblum cut to maybe a minute long cameo. The already bland characters of the first Jurassic World don’t really develop, the new characters are awful, and the plot is riddled with holes and twists that aren’t so much surprising as wildly unnecessary.

This was the Star Wars prequels of Steven Spielberg movies. It gave you some of the story beats and thrills you expected but got too bogged down in its CGI world building that it didn’t really build any characters to fill it with or dialogue for them to work with.


What Happened Here?

This movie had a really intriguing John Wick-esque premise of a near future hospital that exclusively services the criminal underworld. Unfortunately it doesn’t bring enough action to make up for its shaggy dog narrative and flat predictable characters. Jodie Foster and Dave Bautista do give strong performances however and I wish they’d been given more to work with.

Likely the movie that disappointed me the most this year. Shane Black seemed like a no brainer to revive this franchise with some snappy dialogue and thrilling action that both he and the original film had previously delivered. Unfortunately this movie appears to be the case of an already shaky narrative butchered further in editing as it struggled to decide if it wanted to be about a rag tag foul mouthed loony bin bus full of unstable vets taking on an unstoppable killing machine or about a father reconnecting with his precocious autistic savant son. Sterling K Brown did show up and chew a tremendous amount of scenery and I wish the movie had leaned further into that.

This was another movie that couldn’t quite decide what it was. It tried to tell a fairly grounded and moving true life story about the trials and tribulations of raising a foster family while also trying to mix in some of the go for broke laughs and slapstick of director/writer Sean Anders (Daddy’s Home, Horrible Bosses 2) previous works. The mess this creates was best exemplified in a scene where a foster child detailing her harrowing and abusive upbringing was followed in short succession by a gay sex joke.

36. Venom

This movie was awful, but it was also awfully entertaining. Tom Hardy absolutely goes for broke as Vice like journalist Eddie Brock and the alien symbiote living inside his body. He has a weird maybe New York accent, he sweats profusely, he eats out of the trash, and at one point he makes out with the alien. The movie cost $100 million to make and I think it was a 60/40 split cocaine and special effects with some spare change given to Eminem to write an equally dumb but catchy theme song.

I was excited about this movie because of director Jeremy Saulnier’s strong previous work (Blue Ruin, Green Room) and the fact that it gave Jeffrey Wright, who is fantastic in HBO’s Westworld, a rare leading role. After seeing the trailer, it seemed like a dark no brainer. Unfortunately other than a riveting second act shootout, Saulnier’s gritty aesthetics and Wright’s talents are mostly wasted in service of a rather generic thriller with an uncharismatic blandly evil killer at its center.


Noble Effort Falls Just Short

A wonderfully strange first effort from director/writer/rapper Boots Riley who may have bit off just a smidge more than he could chew. It’s a fitfully funny satire of late stage capitalism centered around Atlanta standout Lakeith Stanfield and his “white voice” provided by David Cross but ultimately doesn’t quite hold together. It drags in places as subplots and characters (particularly an underused and underwritten Tessa Thompson) get couched for other new ideas and critiques to be thrown at the wall. I am however excited to see what Riley produces next once his craft is honed a bit more.

In another case of biting off a bit more than one can chew, David Wain (Wet Hot American Summer) tries to produce both a comedic retelling of the early heydays of National Lampoon and also a biopic of the Lampoon’s cofounder Doug Kenney. Will Forte gives a charming performance as a great comedic mind without he nor the film revealing too much about what made him tick. It’s a nice companion piece to the documentary Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead but doesn’t add much give or take your enjoyment of Joel McHale portraying his former Community co-star and noted dickhead Chevy Chase with at a hint of contempt.


Cleared A Low Bar

A not quite as good but still solid sequel to the original Wreck-It Ralph. John C. Reilly again gives a strong vocal performance giving life to the lovable lug Ralph and Sarah Silverman’s Vanellope gets some nice character development as they journey through the wild world of the internet. While it doesn’t bring a ton new to the table, the film is fun, looks great and has a nice message about how friendships grow and change.

I came into this movie with fairly low expectations after the previous DC movies but it delivered a nice dumb fun movie. Jason Momoa has a bit of The Rock’s vibe going on where he’s just this lovable goofy walking talking supplement ad you just want to see beat people up. Director James Wan goes a little crazy with the CGI but he does create some interesting visuals. It sets up a really cool villain in Black Manta but gives the antagonist role over to the infinitely more boring Ocean Master. Hopefully the inevitable sequel delivers on the promise.

The first Halloween is a masterpiece but anything after that (sequel or Rob Zombie reboot) is pretty universally terrible, so again, low expectations. Director David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express, sneakily underrated Jonah Hill movie The Sitter) and writer Danny McBride (Eastbound and Down) clearly had a passion for the material even bringing in John Carpenter to give both his blessing and provide an updated score. Jamie Lee Curtis makes a powerful return as Laurie Strode in a fairly solid thriller. I just wish more of the movie had been given over to her character rather than her generic high school age granddaughter and a pair of podcasters.

This was a perfectly serviceable, light, and relatively self-contained Marvel movie following the enormity of both Avengers: Infinity War and Black Panther. Paul Rudd was great as always as an affable doofus, Evangeline Lilly got some cool fight scenes, and it had some really cool aging effects to get Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer in on the crime fighting action. I won’t remember a ton from this movie, certainly not its main villain Ghost whose character is as uninspired as her name. The film did however remind me of a general lament I have with Hollywood, give Walton Goggins more to do.

Way better than any film initially titled Cockblockers had any right to be. It takes the typical teen sex romp formula and flips it on its head with the focus being on a group of high school girls who make a pact to lose their virginity on prom night and their horrified parents determined to stop them. The girls are all fully flushed out three dimensional characters for a change and the parents (Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz and a never been better John Cena) have a strong chemistry that keeps things rolling. It has the witty banter and gross out gags that typify the genre but also a lot of heart.

A troubled addict battling their escalating addiction is a well-worn narrative trope but knockout performances by Steve Carell and Timothee Chalamet as desperate father and junky son help elevate the material higher than a typical paint by numbers drug drama. The film has some interesting flourishes in the way it is structured working from both the father and son’s biographies to shift perspectives and temporally move around the story.


In The Rotation

As with any anthology, there are varying levels of quality between the various segments but with the Coen Brothers running the show the ceiling is high and the floor isn’t too low. I felt it had one great segment starring Tom Waits as an old prospector in search of a pile of gold he gleefully refers to as “Mr. Pocket.” There was one pretty bad segment starring James Franco as a soon to be hung bank robber and then four pretty good ones.

Despite more or less stealing its best gag from MacGruber, this sequel manages to deliver the cheap laughs and gratuitous violence that made the first Deadpool a surprise smash shit. The new additions of director David Leitch (John Wick, Atomic Blonde) and Josh Brolin’s time traveling badass Cable improve upon the first film’s action but a bit of the heart and charm is lost in the shift away from the unorthodoxly charming love story narrative of the first.

24. Solo

Had this movie not been about one of the most iconic characters in the history of motion pictures, I think its general reception would have been a lot better. In fact most of the weakest parts of the film are its callbacks to previous films and answers to backstory questions that no one was particularly interested in having answered and certainly not in the manner they were. Ron Howard crafted a fine sci-fi adventure that delivers on some amazing effects and thrilling action while maintaining some breezy humor perhaps left behind by original directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller. The highlight sequence is a train heist that is a showstopper worthy of being mentioned among the best of the Star Wars series. Donald Glover also is a blast playing a young Lando Calrissian and his revolution minded droid sidekick L3-37 nearly steals the show.

23. Vice

The main draw here is obviously Christian Bale’s transformation into Dick Cheney but the film boasts nearly as impressive work from Amy Adams as Lynne Cheney. Director/writer Adam McKay invests the rise to power of one of the most important political figures in modern American history with the deft wit seen in his more comedic works with Will Farrell (Step Brothers, SNL) but unfortunately some of the same preaching to the choir and condescension he displayed in the weaker parts of The Big Short. McKay takes some big swings on gags and stylistic choices and some hit big but a few duds occasionally sidetrack the wild enough already true narrative.

Creed, the 7th installment of the Rocky franchise was surprisingly good and what is equally surprising is how much pathos the sequel is able to draw from its connection to Rocky IV, an installment of the franchise so over the top, that Rocky essentially ends the cold war singlehandedly. Dolph Lundgren returns to give a career best performance as a disgraced Ivan Drago raising a son equally hellbent on restoring his family’s tarnished legacy. While the film is a bit of a step back in terms of quality, largely due to the loss of Creed’s director Ryan Coogler who was busy filming Black Panther, it still gives the people what they want in terms of solid character work, inspiring mumbled speeches from Rocky, intense training montages and meticulously choreographed boxing action.

The Russo brothers had the unenviable task of essentially crafting a satisfying season finale to an 18 episode series that’s taken 10 years to roll out. As expected the movie is a bit bloated and suffers some tonal whiplash while trying to serve as a next chapter for such an expansive universe. However, pretty much every character in the film’s enormous cast got at least one moment to shine. Josh Brolin finally makes Thanos a fully fleshed out and formidable foe to face the numerous heroes. Based on the teen girl sobbing uncontrollably in front of me at the theater, I’d say the emotional beats hit as well.

The original Incredibles sits near the apex of pantheon of films in the Pixar catalog and its sequel doesn’t quite hit that same level but it comes close. This time focusing on Holly Hunter’s Elastigirl rather than Craig T. Nelson’s Mr. Incredible director Brad Bird brings the same energy and even more impressive animation to a not quite as engaging story. The motorcycle chase sequence is one of the best superhero set pieces I’ve seen live action or animated but unfortunately this film’s villain isn’t as intriguing or as flushed out as Syndrome was in the first. It’s still a very good film with some very good gags based around baby Jack Jack, but the original remains the gold standard.


Should See If You Haven’t

Working from a zippy script by Mark Perez, directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein deliver laughs as big as any this year alongside staging set pieces that would make many action movies jealous. It pulls off twists that keep you guessing and gags that keep you in stitches. The cast is excellent and spearheaded by a top of her game Rachel McAdams showing her astounding comedic chops. Jesse Plemons may have set a new bar for playing the creepy neighbor you all try and avoid.

This is a powerful film by a master at the top of his craft, Spike Lee. The story is propulsive and Lee creates tension throughout while also delivering biting and humorous social criticism. John David Washington (Denzel’s son) and Adam Driver (Kylo Ren) combine forces to create the character Ron Stallworth and their collaboration carries the movie as well. It strains a bit to hit you over the top with its current day parallels but the ending is an absolute gut punch you won’t see coming. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a quieter theater walking out.

Director Paul Schrader cut his teeth writing some of the finest scripts in the history of Hollywood for Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and Raging Bull and he cribs heavily from the former in this gripping tale of a morally confounded reverend played rivetingly by Ethan Hawke. The film is shot in a boxy 4:3 aspect ratio that makes the titular church tower over the proceedings much as guilt and despair tower over the conflicted reverend. The film asks tough questions about faith and humanity and will leave you pondering.

Director Morgan Neville collects archival footage and interviews Fred Rogers family and coworkers to essentially confirm that he was every bit the wonderful man that entered millions of homes over the course of his long career in public television. The documentary doesn’t do anything groundbreaking but it is a genuinely moving affirmation of the life of one of the most beloved figures in the history of children’s television. My mom can confirm that you will need some Kleenex handy.

A very impressive directorial debut from Bradley Cooper who does double duty in a strong co-starring turn as troubled alcoholic country singer Jackson Maine. Lady Gaga makes a near equally impressive debut in her first starring role as Ally, the titular star who is born. It’s a clichéd and well-worn story having already been directly told 3 previous times on film (1937, 1954, 1976) but the strong performances including a likely career best by Sam Elliot, an amusing sprinkle of Dave Chappelle, catchy songs and the confident direction that captures the feel of live concerts elevate the material.


Will Stick With We

14. Widows

Some might call following up 2013 best picture winner 12 Years A Slave with a heist film adaptation of a British miniseries “slumming it” but director Steve Mcqueen pulls no punches in crafting a propulsive tale of what desperate people will do when pushed to the edge. A stacked cast led by an always compelling Viola Davis and a truly menacing Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out) elevate the pulpy material even further. With its expertly staged heist scenes and clever camerawork, the film had me thoroughly invested in an election for an alderman of a Chicago ward. I even looked up that word after to find out it’s just kind of a fancy city council member, so enticing was the world of Widows.

First time writer/director Bo Burnham combines with a knockout performance from 14 year old Elsie Fisher as 8th grader Kayla Day to masterfully capture all the awkwardness and anxiety of early adolescence. This movie will make you cringe. Josh Hamiliton does some great understated work as Kayla’s dorky dad just trying to make sure she makes it out okay. An inherent optimism ruminates throughout the film and will leave you thankful that the world in fact doesn’t end in middle school.

12. Roma

Alfonso Cuaron (Gravity, Children of Men) directed the hell out of this movie that he also wrote and filmed himself as a tribute to his childhood housekeeper. The movie is shot beautifully in black and white with the signature long takes and tracking shots that have been a staple of Cuaron’s filmography. Cuaron also coaxes a moving lead performance out of first time actress Yalitza Aparicio. It could have used some trimming to its well over 2 hour run time and sometimes listless story, but its evocative images more than make up for these minor deficiencies.

This is a one of a kind movie from the twisted mind of Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos (The Lobster). Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz give biting and hilarious performances as two women battling to control the favor of a deranged queen played mesmerizingly by Olivia Colman. This film is absolutely bizarre and its inventive utilization of fish eye lens among other disorienting shots and sounds only heighten its lunacy. It delivers a scathing look at the conniving machinations of the ruling class that Vice could only dream to have achieved.

This was not just a crowning cultural achievement but also a damn good film that is undisputedly one of Marvel’s finest films. Director Ryan Coogler builds a spectacularly designed and lived in nation of Wakanda and smuggles a compelling story about heritage and race into a billion dollar superhero blockbuster. Michael B Jordan, rejoining Coogler from Creed and Fruitvale Station, gives a level of nuance not previously seen in a Marvel movie to villain Killmonger and nearly leaves you rooting for him. The effects are a bit dodgy in places and especially hamper the climax, but outside of that the film sticks the landing in nearly every aspect. The Kendrick Lamar curated soundtrack alone is more than worth the price of admission.

Toni Collette was absolutely robbed of an Oscar nomination for her jaw dropping performance in this gripping horror film from first time director Ari Aster. While the film more than delivers on the necessary horror elements, the real discomfort comes from the harrowing grieving family drama at its center. The film makes you uneasy from the start but really drops the hammer with a devastating second act twist the likes of which I’ve never experienced. It loses a little bit of steam near the end when it finally shifts to full blown supernatural horror but it still left me shell shocked for days following.

Alex Garland follows up his impressive debut feature Ex Machina with a near masterpiece adapting a Jeff Vandermeer sci-fi novel into a rumination on human being’s propensity for self-destruction. The effects team creates disturbing hybrid animal monsters but it’s the gripping performance by the nearly all female cast led by a determined Natalie Portman oozing grief and anguish at every turn that leave you haunted. The sound design of this movie was also immaculate as the unease of the pulsing finale will stick with you.


Had Me Giddy

Likely the finest recent action movie this side of John Wick. There’s a foot chase, a motorcycle chase, a helicopter chase, skydiving and I mean, watch this. Henry Cavill loads his arms before punching a guy! It’s all expertly choreographed, smoothly edited and Tom Cruise very visible does a lot own stunts which adds the thrill of seeing that 56 year old weirdo possibly get very injured, which he did, breaking his ankle on a shot leaping between buildings that is in the movie. I had a blast throughout.

An excellent companion piece to Burnham’s Eighth Grade, actor Jonah Hill makes a grand entrance behind the camera coaxing moving and believable performances from a largely unknown cast to tell a gripping coming of age tale. Hill captures the lawless lackadaisical energy and deep underlying resentment within latchkey kids’ early adolescence. A love letter to the mid 90's LA skate scene complete with pan and scan vibe cinematography and a soundtrack chock full of throwback jams.

You would have to have a heart of stone to not be filled with nostalgic whimsy and delight as you watch this movie capture nearly all the spirit of the 54 year old original. Emily Blunt is not Dame Julie Andrews but no one is and she brings her own biting wit and loving energy to the famous nanny. Lin Manuel Miranda proves a serviceable Dick Van Dyke surrogate, but the man himself steals the show in an all too brief soft shoeing cameo at the ripe old age of 93. The musical numbers rival the original and the animated/live action sequence is a technical marvel mixing technology old and new to capture the hand drawn wonder of the original’s.

Director Wes Anderson triumphantly returns to the whimsical world of stop motion animation he previously visited with the fantastic Fantastic Mr. Fox. He stacks the cast with some usual collaborators like Bill Murray, Ed Norton and Jeff Goldblum and some welcome newcomers like Bryan Cranston to amusingly give life to the dogs of the titular island. The animation is beautiful and full of the diorama like attention to detail that is hallmark of Anderson’s career. The story centered around a small boy in search of his lost dog in near future Japan isn’t wildly inventive but it serves as a strong framework for the delivery of humor tinged with melancholy for which Anderson is known.

A natural extension of the currently enormously popular true-crime trend, of which I am a major proponent. Writer/director Bart Layton combines elements of documentary and narrative filmmaking to create an entirely new animal so to speak. The film tells the true story of an audacious ill-fated robbery of priceless books from the Transylvania University library and features talking head interviews with the actual perpetrators cross cut throughout the dramatization you would find in a more typical Hollywood adaptation. Featuring shifting perspectives and performances that captures the ennui of early adulthood, the movie buzzes from start to finish as you see how elaborately yet haphazardly the heist is planned and watch in genuine shock with how spectacularly it all collapses.


Masterpieces

This movie was an absolute revelation. The animation was like nothing I’d ever seen, popping with kinetic energy and capturing the feel of reading your favorite comic book. The masterful script by Phil Lord manages to tell a thrilling origin story full of action and laughs, staples of any great Spider-Man story. It smoothly integrates wild concepts like parallel dimensions and a talking cartoon pig into a grounded and genuinely moving coming of age tale. The voice work, led by Shameik Moore (Dope) and Jake Johnson (New Girl), is universally outstanding and the soundtrack absolutely slaps.

Director Damien Chazelle follows up the excellent La La Land with an even better film about the trials and tribulations of the space race and Apollo missions. Ryan Gosling deftly portrays a Neil Armstrong that carries the weight of the enormity of his task and tragedies both personal and professional every small step he takes. The production goes to pain staking lengths with set design, effects, and sounds to capture the terrors of early space travel in tin cans with only a fraction of the computing power that sits in nearly everyone’s pocket these days. The film gives newfound respect to the staggering accomplishment of America’s best and brightest and the award worthy performances of Gosling and Claire Foy as Armstong’s wife give insight into the tremendous toll that was paid along the way.

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