Here Comes The Pain: A 2022 Stanley Cup Playoff Preview

The most exciting playoffs in all of sports are upon us once again. As the owner of an ESPN+ bundle, fiendish twitter highlight consumer, and beer league all-star I felt it high time I dispense my hard earned wisdom and predictions upon my loyal social media associates, hockey agnostic girlfriend and friends I will text this to directly.

Western Conference

Colorado Avalanche (56-19-7 119 pts) vs Nashville Predators (45-30-7 97 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Avs: C Nathan McKinnon. The top pick in the 2014 NHL Draft scored 88 pts in just 65 games this season. All told he’s averaging just over a point per game for his 9 year career after debuting as an 18 year old. Prior to Connor McDavid rocket skating onto the scene, McKinnon may have been the fastest player in the league. He’s battled injuries a bit this season and throughout his career but when healthy he is one of the most dynamic offensive weapons in the league. Here he is last playoffs making multiple guys look like cones

Preds: D Roman Josi. Josi is the odds on favorite to take home the Norris Trophy this season as the league’s top defenseman after doling out 73 assists en route to scoring 96 pts which tied for the 17th highest total in the history of the league for a d-man. Since Bobby Orr, Paul Coffey and Denis Potvin were repeat offenders on the leaderboard only 6 defensemen in the 105 year history of the league have ever topped this total. Josi put up those historic numbers while also taking the time to block 133 shots. While a generous and gifted distributor, he certainly is not afraid to do it all himself when needed.

EDGE: PREDS

FUN PLAYERS

Avs: D Cale Makar. Makar had a season nearly as good as Josi’s leading all defensemen with 28 goals and chipped in 58 assists for good measure en route to an absurd +48 plus/minus. He maintained this production while playing the 7th most minutes per game in the league and only missing 4 contests. In 2017 Erik Karlsson had a squad constructed almost entirely of bums a 2OT loss away from the Stanley Cup Finals so you can never discount the value of a speedy offensive defenseman come playoff time.

Preds: LW Filip Forsberg. The offensively gifted winger is somehow still 27 years old after just completing his 10th NHL season. I am 29 and just completed the 10th season of my King of the Hill rewatch. Consistently playing with other offensive capable linemates for perhaps the first time in his career in playmaking C Mikael Granlund and a fully healthy Matt Duchene, Forsberg reached new heights scoring a career high 42 goals and 83 pts in just 69 games. When his linemates are bogged down he’s perfectly capable of passing to himself as well.

EDGE: AVS

MASCOTS

Avs: Bernie the St Bernard

Bernie is the exact kind of pooch that is sent out to rescue people from avalanches. He even has the supply barrel around his neck. Given his occupation you would think that he would root against avalanches but 10/10 Good Boy.

Preds: Gnash

Gnash is a blue saber tooth tiger and much to my dismay not Don Johnson circa 1996 who does seem like he would spend a lot of time in Nashville.

EDGE: AVS

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

It’s going to be the Avalanche in a landslide and I will make no pardon for that pun. They are going to absolutely bury Nashville. Colorado started the season 4-5-1 then proceeded to go a blistering 51-9-5 in their next 65 games before taking the foot off the gas down the stretch and resting up with the division well in hand. Meanwhile Nashville sneaks into the playoffs with just 97 pts, the lowest total of any of the 16 playoff teams. Preds goalie Juuse Saros is one of the best goalies in the league (.918 SV% 2.64 GAA) but he had to carry a staggering workload this season following the retirement of franchise stalwart Pekke Rinne. That heavy usage came back to bite Nashville in Saros’s league high 67th start of the year when he suffered an ankle injury forcing him to miss the final two games of the season. The injury could not have come at a more inopportune time as the Predators are facing a rapid fire deep Avalanche team with seven 20 goal scorers that finished 3rd in the league with 312 goals overall. This series could get sloppier than a Nashville bachelorette party if Saros misses a single minute because his backups were positively dreadful this season posting a combined .885 SV% in 20 appearances. Meanwhile Avalanche goalie Darcy Keumper posted even better numbers than Saros (.921 SV% 2.54 GAA in 57 starts) and by all accounts has full ankle function at this time.

AVS IN 5

Minnesota Wild (53-22-7 113 pts) vs St. Louis Blues (49-22-11 109 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Wild: LW Kirill Kaprizov. In his second season in the league, Kaprizov has firmly established that he is not just the best player on the current squad but the best player in the 22 year history of the franchise. The man is an absolute gamebreaker.

This year he became Minnesota’s first 100 pt scorer, setting a new franchise mark with 108. This shattered the previous record of 83 set by Marian Gaborik over a decade ago. Kirill The Thrill’s 47 goals were also a new high watermark for the Wild and he broke the single season assist record by 11 for good measure as well. I can’t find any official record but he has to be up there on the adorable smile leaderboard as well.

Blues: RW Vladimir Tarasenko. The Blues have their own high powered Russian in 10 year vet Tarasenko. After two injury riddled seasons in which he played only 34 games Tarasenko spent much of the offseason blustering for a trade upset with how the Blues handled his shoulder surgeries. In response the Blues left him unprotected for the expansion draft. How did the mad Russian respond to all this turmoil? By of course coming out and scoring 34 goals on the way to putting up the highest point total of his career (82). His stocky 6’ 225 lbs body generates a whip quick and deadly shot.

EDGE: WILD

FUN PLAYERS

Wild: LW Marcus Foligno. Affectionately known as “Moose”, Marcus Foligno is the type of hard nosed old school power forward that thrives in the rough and tumble Stanley Cup playoffs. Foligno finished 6th in the league with 10 fights while also scoring a career high 23 goals on an NHL leading 23.5% shooting. In true Minnesota sport fashion he was of course kneed late in the final game of the season and may miss the start of the series. Here’s the razzle dazzle this handsome bastard will bring if he’s good to go:

Blues: D Justin Faulk. This is a completely unbiased selection of my fellow South St. Paul native. His sophomore year of high school I swear to god he took a slap shot in a section playoff game against St. Thomas Academy from about a foot over the center ice line that the goalie had to make a spectacular glove save on. Watch this absolute rocket then try and tell me that story isn’t true:

Faulk finished a staggering +43 on the season, good for 2nd best among all defensemen while playing over 23 min. a night.

EDGE: BLUES

MASCOTS

Wild: Nordy

Nordy is a mulleted cougar-like creature. His party hardy lifestyle has allowed him to maintain an ever present grin despite 5 straight first round playoff exits.

Blues: Louie

Louie is a punk ass blue polar bear who continues to interact with children despite his staunch refusal to wear pants.

EDGE: WILD

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

This is without exaggeration the best Minnesota Wild team in the history of the franchise having won a franchise record 52 games and scoring 306 goals to shatter the previous team record of 266. It is a deep squad featuring six 20 goal scorers and likely would have had a 7th had rookie sensation LW Matt Boldy been called up any sooner. The Wild are also incredibly hot going into the playoffs finishing the year on a 19-2-3 tear. GM Bill Guerin went all in at the trade deadline acquiring reigning Vezina trophy winner Marc-Andre Fleury who went 9-2 with a .910 SV% after the acquisition. In last year’s playoffs the Golden Knights laid an effective blueprint for shutting down Kaprizov which boiled down to beating the shit out of him because the refs swallow their whistles in the postseason. Guerin wisely acquired bulky 6’1 215 lbs LW Nicolas Deslauriers, who finished second in the league with 13 fighting majors, to use the threat of frontier justice to help deter this strategy from being deployed. All these positives aside, as a lifelong follower of Minnesota sports, I know deep in my bones that this team is about to get trounced. Heck the crosstown Timberwolves just lost a playoff series in which they led 5 of the games by double digits. It doesn’t help this cursed state’s optimism that the Blues have had their number this season going 3-0 against Minnesota including a 6-4 beatdown in the Target Field hosted Winter Classic. Will Fleury and Cam Talbot flounder while trading off starts against a Blues squad with NINE 20 goal scorers of their own? Will Blues winger Jordan Kyrou once again score 4 pts in a single period? Will the well of puck luck that allowed the Wild to go 16-7 in OT games run dry? All I know is that in some form or fashion I am fully prepared to have my hopes and dreams of a path to the Stanley Cup finals Wile E. Coyote smash into the side of a cliff.

BLUES IN 6

Calgary Flames (50-21-11 111 pts) vs Dallas Stars (46-30-6)

BEST PLAYERS

Flames: LW Johnny Gaudreau. Gaudreau had become the whipping boy for Calgary after a couple lackluster seasons but “Johnny Ham and Cheese” bounced back in a big way this season notching a career high 40 goals and 115 pts while posting a league high +65. Gaudreau makes up for being undersized at 5’9 165 lbs by being one of the smoothest skaters and most creative offensive minds in the game. Who even thinks to try this?

He is more than capable of finishing on his own as well.

Stars: LW Jason Robertson. If Kirill Kaprizov didn’t exist the world would be cold dark place but Robertson who would have taken home the Calder Trophy as the top rookie in the league last season. This season the ascendant 22 year old winger scored 41 goals including a league high 11 game winners and back to back hat tricks in early March. Viewer discretion is advised as you watch his silky mitts snatch the life right out of Braydn McNabb here.

EDGE: FLAMES

FUN PLAYERS

Flames: LW Matthew Tkachuk. Known early in his career as a pesky rat suspended 3 times for dirty play, Tkachuk is still irritating opposing teams but more frequently than not by embarrassing their defense. Tkachuk scored a career high 42 goals and 103 pts to go along with a 3rd best in the league +57. Despite his emergence as an offensive juggernaut, he still does not shy away from the physical aspects of the game.

Stars: D Jani Hakanpaa. Even his name is fun to say. Not fun, playing against this 6’7 221 lbs giant who doled out 248 hits.

EDGE: FLAMES

MASCOTS

Flames: Harvey The Hound

Harvey appears to be an old timey cartoon dog that has just seen a very attractive lady and said “Awoooga!”

Stars: Victor E. Green

The team website claims Victor is from a galaxy far, far away but it sure sounds like he may be related to that scumbag Norm Green so he can tractor beam his ass straight to hell.

EDGE: FLAMES

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

The Flames are going to torch the Stars. Dallas has some crafty and surprisingly functional playoff experienced vets in 37 year olds C Joe Pavelski and D Ryan Suter but is woefully top heavy. Their top line of Pavelski, Robertson and LW Roope Hintz scored 105 of their 233 goals with only 4 other players cracking double digits. Calgary has an even more dominant top line with Gaudreau, Tkachuk and C Elias Lindholm scoring 164 goals but also 7 additional double digit goal scorers including 35 goal scorer LW Andrew Mangiapane for whom Dallas has no secondary scoring answer. A major factor in this imbalance is the rapid decline of former dynamo C Tyler Seguin who tore his vastus lateralis muscle in the twilight of the Covid derailed 2020 season and has not been the same ever since. After a subsequent tear of his ACL limited him to 3 contests last year, Seguin remained healthy but only potted 24 goals in 80 games while posting a career worst -21. Seguin wasn’t the only player in the negatives as the Stars overall had a -8 goal differential while the Flames were best in the West at +85. This 93 goal differential swing can be attributed to the play of Flames goalie Jakob Markstrom (37-15-9 2.22 GAA .922 SV%) who gives them a decided edge over Dallas’s fairly mediocre Jake Oettinger (.914 SV% 2.53 GAA).

FLAMES IN 5

Edmonton Oilers (49-27-6 104 pts) vs Los Angeles Kings (44-27-11 99 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Oilers: C Connor McDavid. Simple and plan, the greatest hockey player of his generation. After securing an eye popping 105 pts in 56 games last season McDavid contributed a career high 44 goals and a relatively ho hum 123 pts this year to lead the league for the 4th time in his 7 seasons of play. He’s broken the 100 point plateau 5 times and his career 1.43 pts per game is the highest among active players by a fairly wide margin. In fact, McDavid is 4th all time in pts per game ahead of even Bobby Orr who played at a time goalies had used couch cushions for pads and many didn’t even consider wearing helmets. Already a two time MVP at 25 years old, "McJesus" could retire tomorrow and be a lock for the Hall of Fame.

Kings: C Anze Kopitar. One of the best two way forwards of all time, Kopitar has twice taken home the Selke Trophy as the league’s best defensive forward while scoring 1067 pts in 1210 games. Kopitar led the Kings in scoring for the 14th time in his career while also finishing 7th in the league with 56.9% faceoff win rate. Here’s a perfect Kopitar play:

Wins a draw, gets to the front of the net, tips one home.

EDGE: OILERS

FUN PLAYERS

Oilers: C Connor McDavid. His greatness has already been discussed above but there is truly no one more fun to watch in the game today.

Look at this vision:

He's the fastest kid alive:

Kings: RW Dustin Brown. I had to name the set to retire Brown here or he would probably hit me with an extended knee or one of his patented elbows to the face.

Watching this thoroughly washed cheap shot artist huffing and puffing down the ice after McDavid in a first round exit could be the most fun I have all postseason.

EDGE: OILERS

MASCOTS

Oilers: Hunter the Lynx

Who better to rep Edmonton than one of the many animals displaced by the oil industry?

Sold out his furry brethren for a cushy corporate gig.

Kings: Bailey, a lion whose primary performer was fired for sexual harrasment in 2020.

Pictured here being called into yet another HR meeting.

EDGE: OILERS

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

Edmonton LW Evander Kane is deep in gambling debts so he’ll be highly motivated to collect as many playoff game checks as possible. Kane joined the Oilers midway through the season and still managed to finish 4th on the team with 22 goals. This stat speaks both to the value of being linemates with McDavid but also to the dearth of secondary scoring that existed on an Edmonton squad with two former MVP’s in the prime of their careers. That second former Hart Trophy winner, Leon Draisaitl, had another monster year scoring a career high 55 goals to finish 4th in the league with 110 pts. Closely coinciding with the Kane signing was the hiring of new head coach Jay Woodcroft who had the boys buzzing to a 26-9-3 record after starting the year a tepid 23-18-3 under lame duck coach Dave Tippet. With Kane in tow, Woodcroft has an increased ability to separate and occasionally even hydrate his two headed offensive monster. This helps prevent Kopitar or any other checking line from fully shutting down his offense. The Kings are a nice story making the playoffs for the first time since 2018 despite the injury incurred loss of Norris winning defensemen Drew Doughty. Outside of the Pacific Division being a barren wasteland, the major catalyst for this upswing has been the relative return to form by 36 year old goalie Jonathan Quick who posted a .910 SV% in 46 games after muddling to a combined .896 clip the 3 seasons prior. The 2011 Stanley Cup MVP is a proven playoff commodity but he could be eyeing retirement papers after facing down a 99 goal scoring McDavid and Draisaitl pairing jonesing to advance past the 2nd round for the first time in their careers.

OILERS IN 7

Eastern Conference

Florida Panthers (58-18-6 122 pts) vs Washington Capitals (44-26-12 100 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Panthers: C Aleksander Barkov. LW Jonathan Huberdeau may paced the team with 115 pts, but Barkov is one of the best all around players in the league today.

Both his 6’3 215 lbs ideal center frame and two way game are nearly identical to the previously highlighted Anze Kopitar. The reigning Selke Trophy winner, Barkov is no slouch on the offensive end producing a career high 39 goals and 88 pts in 68 games this season. At 56.9% he won faceoffs at the 8th best rate in the league.

Capitals: LW Alex Ovechkin. Ovechkin is arguably the greatest goal scorer in the history of the NHL. He currently stands 3rd all time on the leaderboard trailing Wayne Gretzky 780 to 894 with 4-5 years left in his legs. Even get close to that number while playing in any era with significantly improved goaltending techniques is a staggering accomplishment. Never the most gifted skater, Ovechkin's game based largely around posting up at the top of the left circle and rifling clap bombs has aged like fine wine.

The 36 year old scored 50 goals for the 9th time in his 17 year career. He’s also built like a Russian tank and not afraid to throw his body around racking up 156 hits on the year.

EDGE: PANTHERS*

*More so because Ovechkin is banged up rather than his mild allergy to entering the defensive zone

FUN PLAYERS

Panthers: C Joe Thornton. At 42 years old and just having completed his 24th season, Jumbo Joe is still on a quest for his elusive first Stanley Cup. Thornton is 12th all time with 1539 pts and won the Hart Trophy way back in 2005-06 when he led the league with 125 pts. Despite all the accolades and accomplishments, this future hall of famer should be remembered above all else as a 4 goal celebration enthusiast.

He already has an immaculate playoff beard ready to go.

Capitals: RW Tom Wilson. Wilson is a 6’4 220 lbs wrecking ball that is built for playoff hockey. He threw 240 hits this season and has developed into a consistent 20 goal scorer crossing the plateau for the 3rd time in 4 years and picking up a career high 24 to go along with a career high 28 assists. The big knock on Wilson is he has been suspended 5 times for his recklessness in where and when he is throwing his body but his bone crushing displays will be sure to have Capital One Arena rocking.

EDGE: CAPITALS

MASCOTS

Panthers: Stanley C. Panther.

A Panther that looks about as alert and locked in on the action as the other 5,000 Panther fans in attendance for a Tuesday evening tilt.

Capitals: Slapshot

An eagle who is the most likely mascot to have been complicit in war crimes.

EDGE: CAPITALS

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

The Panthers won the President’s Trophy as the league’s top regular season team despite their head coach Joel Quenville resigning after a 7-0 start due to his exposure as a sex pest enabler during his tenure with the Chicago Blackhawks. Stepping behind the bench in his stead was first time head coach Andrew Brunette who is no stranger to playoff success. Comparing their regular season credentials it seems like the Panthers should absolutely roll the Caps but there is a major cause for pause in the form of the sustained playoff failures of their goaltender Sergei Bobrovsky. A two time Vezina trophy winner, Bobrovsky is one of the best regular season goalies in the league and he posted another strong stat line this year going 39-7-3 with a .913 SV% and 2.67 GAA. Concerning for Ariana Grande and the handful of additional Panther fans out there, he also carries a dismal career 13-23 3.24 GAA .899 SV% playoff stat line. He was absolutely putrid last post season posting a 5.33 GAA and .841 SV% in portions of 3 games. It’s hard to write this off as a fluke when he has appeared in the playoffs 8 times and put up 45 year old accountant beer league numbers in all but 1 postseason. Putting him up against the aforementioned relentless goal scoring prowess of his countrymen Ovechkin could spell a recipe for disaster. His backup Spencer Knight was solid last post season posting a .933 SV% and 2.06 GAA in 2 postseason starts but was a little shaky this season (.908 GAA 2.79 GAA) and turning the keys over to a 21 year old with less than 40 NHL starts for an extended playoff run is a dubious proposition.

CAPS IN 6

Toronto Maple Leafs (54-21-7 115 pts) vs Tampa Bay Lightning (51-23-8 110 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Leafs: C Auston Matthews. The likely league MVP, Matthews became the first 60 goal scorer since the Lightning’s Steven Stamkos back in 2011-12.

He is only the 3rd man to hit that mark in the last 25 years. With 259 goals in 407 career games including 101 in his last 126 games, the 24 year old Matthews is well on his way to being the most prolific American born scorer in NHL history. Goal scoring prowess aside Matthews also won faceoffs at an impressive 56.2% clip, good for 10th best in the league.

Lightning: RW Nikita Kucherov. Kuch missed all of the ‘20-’21 regular season recovering from hip surgery/circumventing the salary cap. He returned conveniently in time for the Stanley Cup run and contributed a league high 32 pts in 23 playoff games. A terrifying offensive weapon, Kuch can score without even shooting the puck.

Kucherov nabbed 67 pts in 46 games this season after taking off November and December due to an additional vague lower body injury so he should be fresh and ready to wreak havoc once again.

EDGE: LEAFS

FUN PLAYERS

Leafs: LW Michael Bunting. Bunting was one of the best stories in hockey this year. Bunting is by the letter of the law, a 26 year old rookie because 8 years after being drafted by the Arizona Coyotes, he had only accumulated 26 NHL games. After 6 seasons toiling away down in the AHL slowly ascending to a point per game producer, Bunting signed a 2 year contract with the Leafs just a smidge over the league minimum and found himself frequently and improbably paired with Auston Matthews and RW Mitch Marner on the Leafs' top line. He responded brilliantly to the challenge chipping in 63 pts including scoring 21 even strength goals, good for 3rd on the team. His gritty net front goals are the perfect complement to his high flying linemates.

Lightning: LW Pat Maroon. Affectionately know as the “Big Rig” Maroon is a 6’3 238 lbs barrel bellyed behemoth with a body built by Hellman’s specifically for the playoffs. This crafty vet has won 3 straight Stanley cups (2 with Tampa, 1 with St. Louis). Maroon had more hits (158) than shots attempted (154) this season which is what you love to see in an increasingly finesse based game. You would be a fool to believe someone this rotund could ever be one dimensional and in addition to throwing his sizable body around Pat chipped in 11 goals this year. Most importantly, no matter what he’s doing, the big guy is having a good time.

EDGE: LIGHTNING

MASCOTS

Leafs: Justin Bieber

Pictured here with Leafs superfan Carlton the polar bear.

Lightning: ThunderBug.

He seems likable enough but his bio brags about working out every day and reading so he’s gotta be an insufferable instagram follow that would surely try to rope you into a pyramid scheme.

EDGE: LEAFS

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

The underdog Lightning are back to back Stanley Cup Champions and the higher seeded Leafs are one of the most notorious chokers in all of sports. What could go wrong for the favorites? Goalie Jack Campbell was absolutely lights out in the playoffs last year (.934 SV% 1.81 GAA) and appears to be the real deal going 31-9-6 with a .914 in his first full season as the bonafide #1 starter. Unfortunately for him, his counterpart Andrei Vasilevskiy is a Vezina trophy winner, winningest goalie in the league 5 years running and the reigning Conn Smythe Trophy winner with a career .924 SV% in 81 playoff games. Across the board nearly every advantage the Leafs should have in this series is countered by a loaded Lightning squad. Puck moving defenseman Morgan Rielly (68 pts), meet 2018 Norris Trophy winner Victor Hedman (85 pts). Mitch Marner (97 pts), good luck keeping pace with C Steven Stamkos (106 pts). Leaf fans who have not seen their team advance out of the first round since 2004 had to be pulling their hair out when this draw was set.

LIGHTNING IN 7

Carolina Hurricanes (54-20-8 116 pts) vs Boston Bruins (51-26-5 107 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Hurricanes: C Sebastian Aho The team’s leading scorer the last 5 seasons is one of the great young offensive talents in the league. The elite centerman is shooting a hearty 17.2% the last 3 years while scoring 99 goals in 203 games. He is one helluva playmaker as well.

Most importantly for the Canes, Aho is playoff proven contributing 35 pts in 34 career games.

Bruins: C Patrice Bergeron. Bergeron is a 4 time Selke winner and elite faceoff man. At age 36 he's lost a couple steps but still led the league in Corsi % which is a relatively newfangled statistic that essentially breaks down how much a team was controlling the puck when a given player was on the ice during a 5 on 5 shift. The higher the Corsi the more likely positive things are happening for your team and the less likely for the opponent and in that measure Bergeron was the most positive influence in the entire league.

EDGE: HURRICANES

FUN PLAYERS

Bruins: LW Brad Marchand. Marchand is saliva swapping pest extraordinaire who also happens to be able to score 30 goals as he did for the 5th time this season. For someone generously listed at 5’9, Marchand has never shied away from the physical aspects of the game.

He’s also never shied away from spearing, slew footing, or elbowing as evidence by his NHL record 8 suspensions which helps to keep his opponents on edge at all times.

Hurricanes: LW Jordan Martinook. Martinook serves as the Hurricane’s alternate captain but primary hype man.

A quintessential grinder, Martinook isn’t going to put a lot of numbers on the board (6g-9A in 59 games) but he’s gonna hustle in the corners and do the dirty work to get his more gifted teammates going.

EDGE: BRUINS

MASCOTS

Hurricanes: Stormy the Ice Hog

With BBQ sauce plentiful in North Carolina, Stormy has high potential to be the tastiest mascot in all of sports

.

Bruins: Blades the Bruin

A bear addicted to scratch offs who in true Boston fashion looks ever at the ready to drop a slur or two

EDGE: HURRICANES

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

A lot of eyebrows were raised around the league when Carolina parted ways with Goalie Alex Nedeljkovic in an offseason trade with the Red Wings after he posted a .932 SV% and 1.90 GAA in 23 starts. General Manager Don Waddell must have the finest crystal ball on the market because Nedeljkovi stunk this year (.901 SV% 3.31 GAA) while his replacement Freddy Anderson had the best year of his 9 season career (.922 SV% 2.17 GAA in 52 games). Waddell also secured the services of controversial d-man Tony DeAngelo on the cheap who then contributed a team high 51 pts while not even missing any games to attend trucker protests. Savvy moves like these helped catapult the Hurricanes to their first ever division title while the up and down Bruins settled for a wild card spot. The Bruins had their own goalie change over as long time starter Tuukka Rask retired, unretired, stunk (.844 SV% 4.28 GAA in 4 games) and retired again. He was replaced by veteran Linus Ullmark and 23 year old Jeremy Swayman who each played 41 games and had almost identical numbers (.917 SV% 2.45 GAA vs .914 SV% 2.45 GAA). Combined the pair have a whopping 19 total min of playoff experience with Swayman giving up a goal on 3 shots in relief last season. It will be baptism by fire for the rotating pair facing Aho and his 22 year old linemate Andrei Svechnikov (30g 39a) who combined for 19 pts in 11 playoff games last season.

HURRICANES IN 6

New York Rangers (52-24-6 110 pts) vs Pittsburgh Penguins (46-25-11 103 pts)

BEST PLAYERS

Rangers: G Igor Shesterkin. The lock of the century Vezina favorite led the league in SV% (.935) and GAA (2.07) while posting a 36-13-4 record and finishing 3rd in the league with 6 shutouts. These numbers are not born of fluke nor hot streak. For his career the 26 year old has a .928 SV% and 2.31 GAA in 100 games. The season prior to joining the Rangers Shesterkin posted a .953 SV% while giving up 1.11 GAA in the KHL. This man is an iron curtain.

Penguins: C Sidney Crosby. The greatest all around player of the pre-McDavid generation continues to buzz along scoring 30 goals for the 10th time and posting 84 points in 69 games this season including 9 game winning goals for a Penguins team that needed every one of them to claw their way into a wild card spot. There’s not much additional that needs to be said about a 2x scoring champ, 2x MVP, 3x Stanley Cup Champion and 2 time Conn Smythe winner so let’s just watch some iconic highlights:

EDGE: PENGUINS

FUN PLAYERS

Rangers: LW Chris Kreider. Previously notorious for going offsides, Krieder scored 52 goals this year.

This nearly doubles his previous career high of 28 achieved twice in his 9 previous season. Would hate to have to split a check with this guy because he only dished out 25 assists in return. Exactly half of his goals were scored on the powerplay so you may see this productivity decrease significantly as the man advantages become few and far between in the playoffs.

Penguins: RW Bryan Rust. Just another completely unbiased selection totally unrelated to our 3 overlapping years at Notre Dame nor him bringing the Stanley Cup out to the football tailgate lot.

Keep your homerism accusations to yourself. This is just a tribute to a consistent 20 goal scorer because what really is more fun than reliability?

EDGE: RANGERS

MASCOTS

Penguins: Iceburgh

The only NHL Mascot to have fought Jean-Claude Van Damme

Rangers: The only team in the league lame enough to have never had a mascot. Here’s a bitchin' picture of Rangers superfan and Shawshank Redemption star Tim Robbins playing street hockey instead.

EDGE: PENGUINS

WHO WILL WIN THE SERIES?

These two teams are fairly well matched with one glaring exception. While still producing at his aforementioned prodigious clip, Crosby has uncharacteristically struggled his last 3 trips to the playoff as well managing only 6 pts in 14 games. Crosby’s linemate Jake Guentzel matched him point for point and led the team with 40 goals. Evgeni Malkin missed half the season but was good for a point per game when healthy. For the Rangers LW Artemi Panarin aka “Bread Man” served up a career high 75 assists and shines in the brightest moments with 28 pts in 30 career playoff games. At the blue line the Rangers have reigning Norris Trophy winner Adam Fox who nabbed a career high 74 pts in 78 games. The Penguins have a rejuvenated 35 year old Kris Letang who contributed a career high 68 pts in his 16th season. This series, like many playoff series, appears as though it will come down to play between the pipes. Pittsburgh goalie Tristan Jarry is battling a broken foot on top of the demons of last season’s playoff disaster where he posted a miserable .888 SV% in a 6 game first round exit. His potential replacement Casey Desmith is perfectly fine (.914 SV% in 26 games) but a 30 year old career backup against the runaway best goalie in the league is a bit of a mismatch. Of note, Shesterkin gave up 4 goals on 101 shots in 4 starts against Pittsburgh this year.

RANGERS IN 5

Think you know better than me? Compete against my ironclad bracket HERE

Read more about the existential tailspin Minnesota Wild fandom puts me in HERE