Wattching Movies: 2025 Reviewed
- Watt
- Mar 9
- 35 min read
Updated: Mar 20
2025 was a momentous year for cinema. Billions were made, award nomination records were shattered, 30 year old franchises came to a conclusion, and audiences found out why no one ever talks about the second act of Wicked. 2025 was also a huge year for the Wattching Movies team as my wife Tess and I became a Movie Mom and Film Father with the birth of our first child. It was a long time coming to earn this promotion as I have prepared all my life to stand in front of the TV with my hands on my hips watching Master and Commander.
Within her first few days at home our daughter was exposed to both Four Christmases and Battleship Potemkin so she quickly came to understand the full spectrum of what motion pictures have to offer. You dear reader, will come to know that as well as you peruse our recap of all the films from 2025 taken in by our team. For Facebook friends of my mother, welcome back, you know the drill. For those of you new here, below you will find my ranking and review of each of the 105 movies released domestically in 2025 that we watched along with a concise rebuttal or affirmation from my cinema consigliere Tess.
Below is a slick clickable table of contents that will allow you to jump around to different sections if you don't feel like reading all 105 movie reviews in one lunch break or if you want to skip ahead to the premium stuff to help determine your next streaming selection
105-91: Regretting (Watching) You
105. Fixed
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 56%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
Legendary animator Genndy Tartakovsky (Dexter’s Laboratory, Samurai Jack) cashed in his Hotel Transylvania generated goodwill at Sony Animation to produce a longtime passion project, a raunchy adult comedy about horned up pets. Good on him for sticking with the project through numerous production and distribution challenges but what a bizarre dream movie to want to make and more confusingly to continue to pursue even after 2023’s Strays did an R rated dog comedy with significantly more heart and a helluva lot more laughs.
Tess Thought (Tess Ranking: 102) : I love dogs and I love Adam Devine, but this is unwatchable.
104. Flight Risk
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 29%
Where to Watch: Streaming on HBO Max
Disgraced director Mel Gibson returns from a 9 year hiatus behind the camera with a limp thriller about a hitman hijacking a witness transportation flight. This could have used a lot more twists, my favorite would have been “Mark Wahlberg stays conscious for more than 5 minutes at a time.” Instead the audience is left spending 90 lifeless minutes watching Topher Grace and Michelle Dockery fly a prop plane.
Tess Thought (80): We say “Moretti is very disappointed in you Winston” to our dog Winnie all the time for eating socks, slippers, diapers, etc., so this movie has been invaluable to our dog parenting.
103. The Old Guard 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 27%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
This was one of the biggest disappointments of the year. The fairly enjoyable first film set up an intriguing sequel antagonist but this one inexplicably sidelines her in favor of a new character played by Uma Thurman whom they give vague motivations at best and only one brief sword fight. It cannot be emphasized enough how this is literally half a movie. It doesn’t just end on a cliffhanger, it ends before the third act even starts. They didn’t film a third film simultaneously or anything either. Worse yet, there is a comical lack of action for a movie that features an immortal black ops team facing down immortal terrorists and what little action we do get is ugly looking. Will audiences ever even find out the fate of these mopey undying warriors? Does anyone care?
Tess Thought (98): Bad villain = bad movie every single time.
102. Fight or Flight
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 76%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Paramount+
As a fellow Minnesota native, I am usually firmly in the pocket of big Josh Harnett, but this action B-picture is just what Tubi will recommend if you search Bullet Train. There are a few good brawls working within the tight quarters a commercial airliner but a lot of gratuitous gore in place of competent action and sophomoric cursing instead of jokes.
Tess Thought (79): I LOVED Bullet Train so a Bullet Train knockoff is ok in my book.
101. Regretting You
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 29%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Paramount+
This Colleen Hoover adaptation feels less like a feature film and more like someone with a concussion recapping the first season of an especially soapy teen drama series. Every bit of the narrative is just slightly off from a functioning frontal lobe’s understanding of the world. The main character is an A+ student but it takes her the entire movie to piece together the most obvious of affairs. She also gets a highly anticipated college acceptance letter on her 17th birthday, which is of course, the wrong year for college admissions. A teen boy has a poster for 1992’s Patriot Games above his bed. The adaptation only gets more uncanny with 40 year old actors incredibly unconvincingly playing their teenage selves in multiple flashbacks.
Tess Thought (94): This movie acts like pining for someone while you are with someone else is romantic. Seems more like cheating to me.
100. Merv
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 35%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
Zooey Deschanel and Charlie Cox star as a recently broken up couple that coparent the titular dog. It’s troubling that these streamers have seemingly endless capital and all powerful data driven algorithms to tell them what to make and they all appear to spend a significant amount of their resources trying to reverse engineer Hallmark slop with marginally higher production values. This does not reflect well on the general public’s viewing habits.
Tess Thought (71): A really nice one to have on in the background while you do something else.
99. Snow White
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 39%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Disney+
This live action adaptation botches “Hi Ho” a bit but “Whistle While You Work” is still the highlight. The numerous new songs inserted to somehow stretch the classic 83 minute cartoon to 109 minutes long are nothing to write home about. I totally bought the king falling head over heels for the evil queen because Gal Gadot has no lines in that portion. Unfortunately in the rest of the film she is wooden as always. I did enjoy her having to do Keaton Batman full body turns to look in either direction because her clunky jewelry restricted her neck.
Tess Thought (104): Does not have one single redeeming quality.
98. The Pickup
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 25%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
From Tim Story, the director of both Ride Along movies, comes another half ass buddy comedy. Eddie Murphy and Pete Davidson star as a pair of armored truck drivers who find themselves in the crosshairs of a gang of robbers led by Keke Palmer. I don’t know if it’s because of his older age or an over correction from his abysmal '00’s star vehicles but seeing Eddie Murphy repeatedly take Ice Cube style straight man roles in dire streaming comedies is a real bummer. Dolemite is My Name was great! He crushed at SNL 50! He obviously still has the juice, just no will to squeeze.
Tess Thought (93): I don’t remember one single thing about this movie.
97. A Working Man
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 47%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime & MGM+
Director David Ayer and Jason Statham follow up to the 2024’s delightfully dopey The Beekeeper with a film as close cinematically as anything may come to when the gang made Lethal Weapon 5 on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Everything is lit and staged like absolute shit. I spent the entire third act wondering “Why is the moon touching the horizon and taking up half the screen?” The production had to get some serious product placement dollars to have Statham, whose character can’t even afford an apartment, drive the newest, largest, sleekest Ram truck around. Did they blow all those funds on a day and a half of David Harbour? 1000 curses on whichever Stallone daughter said “snitches get stitches” to ole Sly prior to him penning this script.
Tess Thought (91): Three dozen bad guys and not a single one of them fun.
96. Heads of State
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 68%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
The bickering President of the United States and the British Prime Minister have their plane shot down by a Russian arms dealer and have to team up to take down their common enemy. The Amazon algorithm cast dynamic action/comedy dual threats John Cena and Idris Elba as our swole leads in what should be a slam dunk for some dumb fun. It figures they would give Jack Quaid the only good action spot and Priyanka Chopra Jonas would be given the best comedic bit. It also figures that director Ilya Naishuller would nail all the close quarter combat scenes in Nobody and promptly gets himself bogged down in far too many CGI explosions and cruddy looking slow motion heavy sequences here.
Tess Thought (92): Made me want fish and chips reeeeal bad.
95. Nobody 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 76%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Peacock
Naishuller was still right to pass on this sequel. The second installment in the Bob Odenkirk does a John Wick series is much more family oriented than the original. I don’t mean in terms of content, which remains gory bone crunching violence with Indonesian action auteur Timo Tjahjanto at the helm, but in terms of inexplicably focusing more on Hutch’s window dressing family who do not have the juice whatsoever. There are way too many ancillary bad guys in this as well. It seems like they could have just cut whatever Sharon Stone was attempting to do. RZA does get to kill a guy with a katana though which feels like the whole reason he got into the film industry.
Tess Thought (89): A HORRIBLY disappointing second installment. Watch the first one and the first one only.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 50%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Peacock
Director Gareth Edwards (Godzilla, The Creator) is known for his brilliant effects work but it seems like he was on a crunch here. It boggles the mind how you can have someone believably standing next to a dinosaur one moment but can’t make it look like people are actually in a moving boat the next. The screenplay is equally inconsistent. The premise of mercenaries heading to the abandoned research island to harvest dino DNA is solid. Anything involving the sail boat family they rescue along the way, complete with stoner boyfriend, is an absolute dud. Justice for Mahershala Ali. Marvel needs to make his Blade movie already damnit. I’ll defend Season 3 of True Detective until the end of my days.
Tess Thought (90): Remove the boat family entirely. They have zero business being there and less than zero business taking up >50% of a 2+ hour movie.
93. Honey Don’t
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 45%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
This feels a lot less wonky and more professionally done than Ethan Coen’s first solo effort Drive Away Dolls but is also less memorable. You know how most flavored seltzers just taste like a burp of the fruit they are supposed to be approximating? This is a slight, rambling, Marlowe-esque Private Investigator tale with the seltzer version of Coen Brothers’ flavoring. I didn’t love The Big Lebowski and its convoluted mystery the first time I saw it either but despite a game Margaret Qualley, I don’t think this one holds anything that would grow on me even remotely like the charms of The Dude and Walter’s banter on repeat viewings.
Tess Thought (101): Honey don’t watch.
92. Wicked: For Good
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 66%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Peacock starting 3/20
I thought all the backgrounds in the first film just looked murky because we didn’t see it in especially high end 3D but nope those are still blurry in Imax. It really does speak to the power of “Defying Gravity” that Wicked is such a beloved musical with apparently just that single banger to its name. Much of the plot of this second half is insane as it contorts itself to match up with the narrative of Wizard of Oz which it is both a prequel to and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead style reimagining of complete with frequent shots of the back of Dorothy’s head.
Tess Thought (57): A movie theater’s Pibb quality has a huge impact on my moviegoing experience, and this one was not up to snuff. For that among other reasons the movie left much to be desired.
91. Love Hurts
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 18%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
Why can’t we build the whole plane out of Ke Huy Quan executing slapstick tinged Jackie Chan lite action set pieces? Alas, 4 good fights and a few minutes of Marshawn Lynch does not a full movie make. 2021 Best Supporting Actress Ariana Debose has really settled into the “Featuring Academy Award Winner Ben Kingsley” phoning it in phase of her career at remarkable speed.
Tess Thought (67): Admittedly I am blinded by my love of the most adorable man on planet Earth, Ke Huy Quan. This is not a good movie, but I would absolutely watch it again.
90-81: Chicken Jockey
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 80%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Paramount+
The Burger King tie in for this may have been the single greatest fast food promotion since the Batman Forever cups at McDonald’s. The Bikini Bottom Bundle got you a Krabby Patty Whopper with a softer Spongebob yellow tinted bun, a treasure chest full of Mr. Krabs Cheesy Bacon Tots which were crispy outside and very cheesy inside with some nice smokey bacon bits, a creamy frozen pineapple float beverage, and a slice of Patrick Star-berry Short Cake that tasted exactly like their strawberry shake in pie form, all served in a pineapple under the sea shaped carrying case. Unfortunately the movie itself is the weakest of the 4 theatrical Squarepants releases reheating a lot of beats from previous outings. I also spent a good portion wondering if Brian Doyle-Murray had died since they replaced him after he voiced The Flying Dutchman for over 20 years. Turns out he lives on, and so will that bundle forever in my heart.
Tess Thought (85): The “big guy” stuff got old about 2 minutes in.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%
Where to Watch: Streaming on HBO Max & Prime
Jared Hess directed Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre, two of my favorite movies of all time. He also directed Masterminds which is one of the most unwatchable pieces of crap I’ve ever seen. This kind of splits the difference. I’m going to give it almost the exact same review I gave Aquaman 2: The plot is total gibberish, at no point did I understand the villain’s goal in the slightest, much of it looks like dogshit, nearly every single joke is both forced and groan inducing and Jason Mamoa is a hammy delight doing the absolute most. I had a blast!
Tess Thought (70): Duncan Idaho 🤝 Garrett the garbage man from Idaho
88. Wolf Man
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
Christopher Abbot undergoes a gnarly slow burn transformation after his encounter but the titular Wolf Man ultimately looks wildly busted. This film had a long gestating production so I will just assume the 2023 Writers Strike is why every line of dialogue is the obviously British little girl saying “mommy” or “daddy” or an adult saying an underlying theme of the movie verbatim. Granted, they are interesting themes but I suspect previously attached director Derek Cianfrance may have handled them a little smoother. Ryan Gosling’s originally cast sad eyes would have crushed as the doomed dad as well.
Tess Thought (100): I knew I was gonna hate it and sure enough.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
This nearly two hour Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon comedy about a double booked wedding venue is way too long in a very Apatow way but does have some genuine laughs peppered throughout. Apatow acolyte writer/Director Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Neighbors) is generally solid. This is one of his weaker outputs. Will still has it, Jack McBrayer is always welcome, and I am forever rooting for Jimmy Tatro from the Youtubes.
Tess Thought (78): Meredith Hagner felt too young to be Reese Witherspoon’s sister and too old to be with Jimmy Tatro.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 35%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Apple TV
Guy Ritchie takes a crack at an Indiana Jones/National Treasure style adventure and ends up closer to 2022’s Uncharted. He does pull out a half ass version of the Sherlock Holmes fight move a couple times. John Krasinski shoots for Brendan Fraser in The Mummy and lands closer to a vaccinated Zachary Levi. I do enjoy a good puzzle in a pyramid though. Natalie Portman was also paid by Apple Inc. to be here.
Tess Thought (76): Guy Ritchie is going through a bit of a rough patch.
85. The Amateur
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 62%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
This lost me as soon as Remi Malek didn’t run his hand through the readily available long grass ala Gladiator immediately following his wife’s brutal murder. He clearly did not have that vengeance dog in him and Laurence Fishburne was right to doubt him. The fun is the creative revenge kills pulled off by the unassuming nerdy fellow who works on computers but the best ones are in the trailer.
Tess Thought (59): Other than a gross underutilization of Jon Bernthal, it gave me everything I wanted it to.
84. Anniversary
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 66%
Where to Watch: Available for Rental
I don’t know why the antagonist had to destroy Kyle Chandler’s life. He didn’t disparage a mediocre student’s thesis or patronize his underachieving son. He just wanted to run his restaurant with his Ratatouille ethos and listen to his records. He didn’t deserve being subjected to an ill defined corporate dictatorship instigated by a totalitarian author’s best seller and having his family crumble over a series of time jumps because Diane Lane was mean to her in college.
Tess Thought (62): Just a bizarre (and unlikable) plot, but I always have and always will hang onto literally every single word Coach Eric Taylor ever says.
83. Last Breath
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 79%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
Director Alex Parkinson’s feature adaptation of his own 2019 documentary of the same name about a deep sea diving accident that left a diver stranded 100 meters under water with almost no air, loses a bit of the tension with a known outcome. The surrounding bits are a little cheesy as well. I did leave really fascinated by the concept of saturation diving though. Scientific progress is crazy. We’re pressurizing humans for sustained deep sea dives by slowly pumping them full of helium and computer stabilizing gigantic ships above them on the stormy ocean sea. Less than 200 years ago if someone was sick they'd just leak a little blood out of them to see if that fixed it.
Tess Thought (77): I typically encourage a 90 minute runtime, but these guys resolved every issue so quickly there wasn’t enough time to feel any sort of suspense.
82. Freakier Friday
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 73%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Disney+
I somehow had not seen the beloved 2003 version of Freaky Friday until just before we saw this but I confirmed it’s pretty good! That movie has Andrew WK and Joey Ramone on the soundtrack so no chance they were matching that energy. The OG cast (Jamie Lee Curtis, Lindsay Lohan, & Chad Michael Murray) has a lot of fun but it does have the standard legacy sequel issue where recreating a bit inherently isn't as satisfying as the original. Adding a third generation to the body swap hijinx does open up some solid old people vs sprightly youth jokes.
Tess Thought (56): We love a strong, funny female lead named Tess. Especially one who’s married to a doting, loving husband named Ryan.
81. Happy Gilmore 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 62%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
1996’s Happy Gilmore is almost certainly the movie I have watched the most times in my life and even I found it very strange to go full Top Gun: Maverick with a fawning legacy sequel to sophomoric Sandler. It is stranger yet to try and inject a significant amount of pathos while also being significantly goofier and more outlandish than the already sufficiently silly original. There are some good laughs and it is very nice for Sandler that so many celebrities, particularly golfers, clearly love the original and wanted to have a part in this. It’s a bummer they couldn't get them more rehearsals.
Tess Thought (88): Everybody who made this had fun and that’s great. It’s just a little unfortunate that watching it isn’t any fun.
80-71: Living in a Material World
80. Dead of Winter
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 75%
Where to Watch: Streaming on HBO Max
A widower (Emma Thompson) heads to a frozen northern Minnesota lake to spread her husband’s ashes where she inadvertently interrupts some sketchy activity in this solid lean thriller. They go full hot dish on the accent work here. We’re talking, “Ope, didn’t mean to stumble upon your crime scene over dere don't cha know.” Judy Greer gets to flex a bit playing against type as the mastermind of a kidnapping. Thompson hits a believable enough “oofta” as she tries to save the victim but the frequency of usage does strain credibility.
Tess Thought (65): We support Judy Greer in this house.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 67%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
This retelling of the notorious 1984 incident in which a player won record money on the gameshow Press Your Luck through dubious means is a great showcase for character actor, pro wrestler, and juggalo for life Paul Walter Hauser. I do wish the filmmakers had let Walton Goggins cook a bit more and the hilarious Patti Harrison is also shamefully wasted. The actual perpetrator of this scheme, Michael Larson, is a fascinating grifter character, like a dumber Frank Abagnale Jr, which is only loosely hinted at here.
Tess Thought (73): We used to love watching old GSN shows like Friend or Foe so this felt very nostalgic and kept me more engaged than this dry script otherwise would have.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 62%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
From the makers of creatine users' Heat comes a globe trotting Ocean’s Eleven for dads who lost custody. Gerard Butler’s disgraced LA sheriff Nick O’Brien is the most divorced a man has ever been and this time he’s in on the heists. He looks like a whiskey soaked catcher’s mitt. Like the first film, there is way too much wait time between the well executed but limited set pieces. Luckily there is a lot of smooth brained enjoyment to be had in its excessively twisty conclusion.
Tess Thought (82): The Jake Peralta/Doug Judy motif was not working for me. 🫤
77. Havoc
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 64%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
Gareth Evans, the director of The Raid, making an action movie with Tom Hardy, who says no? This contains two really great sequences of over the top ultra violence but a lot of confusing bullshit around them. A four or five way gang shootout/meat clever brawl is absolutely exhilarating but unfortunately the plot machinations it takes to set it up are utterly indecipherable. Why does the opening car chase look like a Burnout cutscene for PS4? Timothy Olyphant is in this. We started watching Justified this past year and whenever Olyphant shoots someone I say, “Justified.”
Tess Thought (97): I must’ve fallen asleep during the exhilarating parts.
76. Materialists
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 77%
Where to Watch: Streaming on HBO Max
Writer/director Celine Song follows up 2023’s magnificent Past Lives with one of the more insane movies I have ever seen. There were signs earlier but from the moment professional matchmaker Dakota Johnson puts on her detective trench coat and the signature logoless baseball cap incognito Marvel heroes wear to do some sleuthing my mouth was agape. Having him get a receipt from a shitty bodega is a nice touch but Song should have pushed it even further and just made Chris Evans’s character a Dickensian street urchin. His only personality trait is being poor. At least his romantic rival, Pedro Pascal’s generic rich guy, gets a telegraphed twist of incredible absurdity. Song gives a nod to her playwright roots by including an off Broadway production credited as written by herself in the proceedings but you can pick up those theater origins well enough already from a script where characters speak entirely in exchanged monologues about “the math” of love.
Tess Thought (87): I was SO looking forward to this, so it was by far my biggest disappointment of the year.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
After Yang was one of my favorite recent films, scoring the #6 spot in 2022 but director Kogonda’s follow up is a bit of a dud. The film looks great and has some fun sequences where the characters step into past memories but those mostly serve as a reminder that Charlie Kaufman is a 1 of 1 juice haver. It also bizarrely features some of the most forced f***ing cursing I’ve ever f****ing heard in my f***ing life. The dialogue is clunky and the characters are paper thin but they are played by attractive and charming actors (Margot Robbie and Colin Farrell) so the conclusion is never in doubt despite their insurmountable hang ups of “fear of rejection” and “being lonely, I guess.”
Tess Thought (72): All of my best journeys too start with a Whopper with cheese.
74. Tron: Ares
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 53%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Disney+
The third Tron film knows the coolest part of the first movie is the sleek black helicopter outlined with red lights flying at night, the best part of the second is the synth soundtrack, and the main redeeming quality of the series is the stoner bemusement of Jeff Bridges spouting techno-philosophical bullshit. It is a shame about the Jared Leto casting though. The Nine Inch Nails score never hits the heights of Daft Punk’s “End Of The Line” but may overall be stronger with its pulsing bass. The plot is easier to follow than either of the prior entries but that is in large part because it’s dopier. Speaking of dopey, imagine including a sequel baiting ending when the shortest gap between entries in this series is 15 years.
Tess Thought (74): Definitely do not watch if you haven’t seen the first two.
73. Nonnas
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 82%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
The latest Vince Vaughn vehicle where he opens a restaurant with genuine Italian grandmas serving as the chefs is a warm comfort meal of a movie. There is not a surprise to be had but everyone is game, particularly the nonnas (Talia Shire!, Brenda Vaccaro, Susan Sarandon, & Lorraine Bracco), and it keeps the overall schmaltz tolerable. It is a simple, well done family film to recommend to your mother.
Tess Thought (37): I’m going to put this way too high on my list, but Vince Vaughn literally says, “Theresa, what a beautiful name” so I have to. (Theresa is my name. Vince knows this I am sure.)
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 77%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
Director Chris Columbus (Home Alone, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) delivers a solid episode of PBS Mystery! coated in whatever creates that ugly Netflix sheen. Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan, and Ben Kingsley headline a fun elderly cast having fun uncovering a mystery with easy to follow twists.
Tess Thought (66): Overall pretty enjoyable.
71. Oh, Hi!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 64%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
I think the premise of a young woman taking her partner hostage when he spectacularly poorly times his reveal that what she presumed to be a committed relationship was actually a loose situationship absolutely crushes as a short. Molly Gordon and Logan Lerman as the focal couple help keep it agreeable enough as a feature but it starts to spin the tires a bit around the midpoint as both the premise and sympathies for the protagonist get stretched a bit thin. I kept wondering what was happening with her accent but supporting actress Geraldine Viswanathan actually IS Australian. Who knew?
Tess Thought (44): Was absolutely dragging Geraldine’s bogus fake accent until we discovered that is in fact her real voice.
70-61: Ohana Means Family
70. The Roses
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 64%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
I probably would have enjoyed this War of the Roses adaptation from director Jay Roach (Austin Powers, Meet The Parents) and screenwriter Tony McNamara (Poor Things, The Favourite) more had I not previously seen the Danny DeVito directed version from 1989. While Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch have great chemistry and nail the catty repartee, they do not have the lurking unhinged menace that the Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner pairing possessed. This unfortunately took some of the dark comedic edge off for me.
Tess Thought (41): A cautionary tale about the dangers of being career-driven.
69. After The Hunt
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
I can think of few things worse than attending a dinner party with Ivy League philosophy professors and their PhD students. The ultimate moral of this purposely murky Me Too/Cancel Culture adjacent film is, that is correct. This has a lot less style than previous efforts from acclaimed director Luca Guadagnino (Challengers, Call Me By Your Name). Julia Roberts, Andrew Garfield, and Ayo Edebiri give very actorly performances as they exchange close up shot conversation while the audience tries to suss out who is lying to whom or if self serving motivations will overpower any moral quandaries. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross are usually top of the line when it comes to movie music but deliver a weirdly intrusive score here.
Tess Thought (63): After Bones and All and Challengers, I thought possibly I loved everything Luca Guadagnino made, but this missed the mark a bit for me.
68. Christy
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 67%
Where to Watch: Available for Rental
I was not familiar with the story of boxer Christy Martin at all so the pivot away from the run of the mill awards baity underdog sports biopic to an awards baity domestic drama did work on me. I was also not aware Ben Foster was in this movie and it took me at least half an hour to definitively clock him in a real all time slimeball performance as Christy’s abusive trainer/husband.
Tess Thought (68): You cannot tell me this movie wouldn’t be 1000% better with a good actress like Florence Pugh as the lead.
67. Companion
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 93%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime & HBO Max
This would have been a very enjoyable episode of Black Mirror and makes a pretty decent if elongated film. I wish the trailer didn’t give away the central twist about Sophie Thatcher’s character as it does drop a good ways into the runtime. Those shared Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid genes really help Jack Quaid bounce around that tight rope between nice guy and complete psycho.
Tess Thought (60): I think I enjoyed this more by going in with no idea at all what it was about.
66. Lilo & Stitch
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 72%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Disney+
Dean Fleischer Camp, helmer of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, scoring the directing gig here had my hopes a bit higher than typical Disney live action remake. The casting of Lilo and Nani is spot on but the story is padded out to the point of being over 20 minutes longer than the animated version leading to some wonkiness. What was the perfectly balanced highlight of Disney Animation’s 21st century catalogue is both a bit sadder in its family drama portions and a bit sweatier in its humor. On the plus side, Stitch’s character design translates well and he remains an all time little guy.
Tess Thought (51): Adorable. A+ casting except for Zach Galifianakis.
65. M3gan 2.0
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 57%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
As a staunch defender of M3gan and her electric dance moves, I was a little bummed to find this not quite as snappy as the original. You really do feel those extra 18 minutes. However, the T2: Judgement Day style action pivot is fruitful particularly in the third act Upgrade homage. New Zealand’s greatest export Jemaine Clement gets to do an enjoyable Elon Musk riff as a scummy tech bro.
Tess Thought (95): I hate this robot.
64. Play Dirty
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 42%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
This is very much a check cashing movie for director Shane Black after the fiasco that was The Predator but whatever helps him secure the funding for The Nice Guys 2, I’m all for it. Who better to cast in your easy money operation than the king of taking streaming bags, Marky Mark Wahlberg. Here Wahlberg plays the oft adapted super thief Parker. The film infuses just enough of Black’s signature banter in the rag tag heist crew and has a real dark comedic streak in its gratuitous violence where deaths play like bits and punch lines to help elevate its generic caper narrative. Boy, the heavily digitally augmented set pieces look like absolute shit though. Stick to the shootouts and squibs brother.
Tess Thought (99): Lost my attention pretty immediately.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 61%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
At the cusp of superstardom, Bruce Springsteen isolates himself, gets obsessed with Badlands, and records a haunting stripped down acoustic folk album. I think there’s a pretty good movie in here somewhere. You probably have to cut a few of the “Bruce Springsteen has to think about his entire life before he records” flashbacks and all of the scenes of Jeremy Strong explaining the themes of the album to his nodding wife, but I think it could be done. Jeremy Allen White’s version of Springsteen falls right in line with his strong portrayals of tortured artist Carmie on The Bear and cursed Kerry Von Erich in The Iron Claw but it is genuinely crazy how close to The Boss he sounds when singing.
Tess Thought (55): Lulled me to sleep but not in a bad way. It was a peaceful drift.
62. The Accountant 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 75%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
These movies are absurd. The plot is just as convoluted as the original but somehow even sillier. Returning screenwriter Bill Dubuque ups the ante on Affleck’s Rain Man/John Wick hybrid accountant by giving him an X-men team of neurodivergent hacker teens and introduces an even more ridiculous murder savant for them to hunt down. Jon Bernthal and Ben Affleck are a great road trip duo as bickering but ultimately loving brothers who happen to both be killing machines. I need The Accountant: Offshor3 Accounts greenlit yesterday.
Tess Thought (47): Give Bernthal all the Oscars. Every single one of them.
61. Drop
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 83%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Prime
Director of Freaky Christopher Landon delivers a snappy little lunkheaded thriller that surprisingly handles domestic abuse better than It Ends With Us. While on her first date following the death of her abusive husband, Meghann Fahy gets air dropped demands to kill her dining partner or else harm will befall her son at home. It’s pretty nice of Brendan Sklenar’s agent to get him typecast as ruggedly handsome and deeply understanding savior of domestic abuse victims. Landon adds some snazzy visual flourishes and works well with the confined setting of a high rise restaurant to create some admirable Red Eye vibes.
Tess Thought (58): There were a few scenes that looked like a play and I quite enjoyed that.
60-51: Now You (Should) See Me
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 52%
Where to Watch: Streaming on HBO Max
A24 puts out a grislier and dopier Jurassic Park with dinosaurs swapped out for unicorns and the hubris of science swapped out with the hubris of rich dumb assholes. I guess that actually is the focus of Jurassic Park as well. The stacked cast (Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Will Poulter, Tea Leoni, & Richard E. Grant) bring energy and laughs. There simply is not enough Noho Hank (Anthony Carrigan) but when is that ever not true?
Tess Thought (52): Interesting concept and good for a couple of giggles.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 46%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Disney+
Hearing all the negative buzz and news of extensive production troubles I was expecting more of a trainwreck. It certainly has some issues like a lackluster, throwaway villain, jarringly spotty compositing, and a little too much fealty to outside story threads but those have all been pretty standard Marvel issues from the jump. It also has enough of Marvel’s strengths like zippy rapport between characters, humor, and serviceable fight choreography to sit comfortably amongst most of the sprawling universe. Most of the entries in this vast series are messy and merely pretty good but a handful of great outliers skewed their perception to the point of backlash at just producing what they’ve largely been, disposable light adventures. Winter Soldier For Dummies is a fine playbook to shoot for and everyone except the Israeli Black Widow lady are more than game enough to pull it off.
Tess Thought (43): I love Danny Ramirez. I love Harrison Ford. I love Giancarlo Esposito. I love Alex Toussaint!
58. Black Phone 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 72%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Peacock
Despite his demise in the enjoyably spooky original, The Grabber is back and now he’s haunting the dreams of Finney’s psychic sister Gwen. Tough break for Freddy Kreuger but I suppose if you are dormant for 15 years your schtick becomes public domain. The protagonist shift is fruitful. The added Grabber backstory, not so much. Director/co-writer Scott Derrickson seems to compensate for slower pacing with increased gore which is a bit less effective than the general menace of Ethan Hawke’s portrayal of the original human Grabber. The supernatural version does get some very creepy looks off. I hate to support nepotism but the synthed up slasher score by Derrickson’s son Atticus is significantly improved.
Tess Thought (50): Was dragged to see this one against my will but dang it I do love a good dream sequence.
57. Dust Bunny
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 85%
Where to Watch: Available for Rental
This was about what I would expect as a feature directorial debut from long time television veteran Bryan Fuller (Hannibal, Pushing Daisies) in terms of stylized visuals and dark whimsical world building. Mads Mikkelsen reunites with his former showrunner to portray a hitman whose services are enlisted by his next door neighbor to hunt down the monster under her bed that killed her parents. In terms of action choreography Fuller is certainly no Chad Stahelski acolyte but he delivers some neat flourishes like a firework heavy opening skirmish against an armed gang lurking beneath a Chinese dragon dance puppet.
Tess Thought (61): I had a hard time staying interested, but I absolutely loved the way this movie looked.
56. The Monkey
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 77%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
Writer/director Osgood Perkins essentially says, “Now let’s do a silly one,” and delivers a nice palate cleanse from the unrelenting darkness of Longlegs by adapting a Stephen King short story into a pitch black comedy about death and familial trauma. Theo James stars in a dual role as identical twin brothers who had the childhood misfortune of coming into contact with a windup monkey that causes Final Destination style Rube Goldberg deaths whenever its key is turned. Christian Convery, the teen actor who plays the brothers in flashback is incredible as both a dweeb and his asshole “older” brother. Perkins, whose father, actor Anthony Perkins of Psycho fame, died of aids and mother died aboard one of the 9/11 flights takes the randomness of life and its various tragedies to a comical extreme with some goofy gory kills.
Tess Thought (81): The kid actor had me totally convinced he was two different people.
55. The Long Walk
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 88%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Starz
Longtime Hunger Games series director Francis Lawrence gathers another group of adolescents for a winner take all game to the death. Based on a Stephen King novel originally written at the height of the Vietnam War, the story remains an apt metaphor as young men across the country undertake a harrowing death march only one will survive and be granted a single wish of their choosing. Teens walking along a road at a 3mph pace doesn’t seem like a premise that would sustain a compelling feature but the lead performances of Cooper Hoffman and David Jonsson get it damn near the finish line. Along the walk the group of boys become friends, enemies, and wax philosophical about the nature of their predicament.
Tess Thought (69): 50 fellas sign up for “the long walk” and there’s not a stitch of athletic clothing or footwear betwixt them.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 61%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Starz starting 3/14
I had not seen either of the prior Now You See Me films before catching up right before the latest outing but I really enjoy the concept of “What if Danny Ocean’s heist crew were also low level wizards with an unlimited stage lighting budget?” This is the zippiest entry and also my favorite of the series. There are no set pieces quite as good as the card passing in the bank vault from the second film but they do seem to come at a faster clip. You’ve got to check reality at the door for much of the series’ shenanigans, but there’s still an awful lot of fisticuffs here for folks that need to maintain hand dexterity. Rosamund Pike effortfully doing a silly South African accent is handily a superior villain to check cashing Michael Caine any day.
Tess Thought (19): I am physically incapable of giving these movies any less than 4 stars.
53. All of You
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 72%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Apple TV
Imogen Poots and co-writer Brett Goldstein have easy chemistry and are very believable as long time friends in a near future where a test exists that finds your scientifically proven soulmate. This complicates their relationship significantly when Poots, whom Goldstein has been secretly pining for, takes the test and finds her “perfect match.” What follows plays like a dark mirror version of Past Lives, complete with time jumps forward, where everyone is a bit more selfish except for the adorable little great guy husband portion of the love triangle. Director William Bridges deploys a lot of great closeups of the two lead’s twinkling faces as they navigate the complex emotions of their situation.
Tess Thought (64): I got progressively angrier as this went on and I don’t think that’s what they were going for.
52. Eternity
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 76%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Apple TV
Elizabeth Olsen passes on but must choose between her impossibly perfect first husband who died in the war (Callum Turner) or her schluppier grumpy husband she spent the following 65 years of her life growing a family with (Miles Teller). I really enjoyed the first part of this where it’s focused on the comedy of the afterlife being basically a cut rate resort with themed attraction areas and a coordinator winningly played by Academy Award winner Da’Vine Joy Randolph. It was a bit less enjoyable as it drew out its inevitable conclusion and stopped adhering to its own shaky logic. Teller is at his best when he seems to remember his character is technically an octogenarian. This suffers a similar problem to Materialists where the female lead isn’t developed much between being an object of affection.
Tess Thought (32): I wanted to love this and I was almost there, but Elizabeth Olsen exhibiting zero personality as the center of a love triangle took me out of it a bit. Miles Teller was so much better at playing an elderly person trapped in a 30-something year old body.
51. Dog Man
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 82%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
When a top cop and his trusted K9 companion are terribly injured in a bomb diffusion gone wrong, some quick thinking surgeons put the head of the dog on the body of the man to create the world’s greatest super cop. Yes, this is essentially a kid friendly version of Robocop filled to the brim with rapid fire gags. The unique animation brings author Dav Pilkey’s signature drawing style to life and is full of action including a climatic giant mecha battle. Pete Davidson is delightful as Dog Man’s nemesis Petey the cat, who given the nonverbal nature of the dog headed cop, emerges as the film’s sneaky center. I might need to circle back and check out the Captain Underpants movie Dreamworks previously put out in 2017.
Tess Thought (49): Cute! But I will forget about it by tomorrow.
50-41: We're Going Up, Up, Up
50. The Running Man
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 62%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Paramount+
I wish I hadn’t seen the trailer so many times because it really does give away almost all its best action sequences. I also wish I wasn’t aware of the action heights director Edgar Wright previously achieved in Hot Fuzz and Baby Driver because this one, while solid, is not quite on their stylized level. The Hunger Games by way of Idiocracy dystopia and anti corporate media messaging felt a bit rote but I did appreciate the advocacy from William H. Macy’s character for dumb tv’s. I shouldn’t have to log in and navigate menus and banner ads to watch my programs damnit. I invested heavily in Glen Powell movie star stock following Everybody Wants Some!! and the dividends are overflowing.
Tess Thought (28): Saw this in theaters less than 24 hours before going into labor 4 days early. Glen Powell convinced Lucy it was time to join us.
49. The Bad Guys 2
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 87%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Peacock
This second installment plays more to the strengths of the series by being significantly more action and caper oriented than its predecessor. This one has less twists, more bits, and includes lucha libre wrestling. I’ll stick with this gang because it seems like they’re getting closer to making a whole movie with the energy of the fantastic chase sequences that open both films.
Tess Thought (39): Could’ve used an Anthony Ramos song in there but otherwise far superior than the first one!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 92%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
A KPop girl band attempts to perform a pop hit so catchy it has the power to keep all demons from entering the mortal plane. Does that premise sound far fetched? Well just remember that David Bowie passed away in January of 2016. Look what’s happened since then. The potential hit the gals turn to, “Golden,” is a certified banger. So too is the jam "Soda Pop" performed by the rival KPop boy band of demons that try to thwart them. Along with the power of song the girls also do literally fight demons with nifty light up martial arts weapons so there really is something for the whole family.
Tess Thought (53): I wish we would’ve seen this before it got hyped up a little too much.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 77%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
Writer/director Dean DeBlois translates his own 2010 animated film into live action and retains a good portion of the original’s magic. The dragons look incredible. The story and the score remain outstanding. The actors do look a little wonky blended in with the effects at times and were I to adapt a vibrant animated film, I might take more care to light it and not color grade it with a piece of charcoal. Many of the actors playing the kids are, dare I say, a bit too cartoony. Gerard Butler, however, translates very well from his animated form. One of the best special effects of the year is just watching him effectively move around in his gigantic garb.
Tess Thought (36): I prefer the animated version obviously, but real life Gerard Butler sure does add a little something special to this one.
46. Highest 2 Lowest
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 83%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Apple TV
The latest Spike Lee joint, a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s kidnap drama High and Low, takes a while to get going as Denzel Washington’s record executive character traverses from his penthouse to fancy office buildings but the second act kicked off by Lee’s signature dolly shot really rips. Stylistic flourishes and Boston slander abound as the narrative finally descends to the streets and Spike shows off the buzz of his beloved New York City. Denzel and Jeffrey Wright, playing his loyal driver, are reliably great. Rapper A$AP Rocky took 8 years between dropping studio albums but apparently used most of the time becoming a very enjoyable supporting screen presence.
Tess Thought (96): An absolute snoozefest.
45. Frankenstein
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 85%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Netflix
Guillermo del Toro is the king of sympathetic monsters so it was inevitable he’d eventually get around to putting his own spin on the original reanimated sad boy. Unsurprisingly, the film comes to life around the midpoint once it pivots away from Oscar Isaacs’s mad scientist and starts telling the story from the creature’s perspective. Jacob Elordi’s Oscar nominated performance is as good as advertised but my main takeaway was he is tall as hell. That man needs to stop worrying about Wuthering Heights and start worrying about wasting his height and go grab some damn rebounds for the Aussie national team. A real movie studio that cares about a theatrical experience free from pauses, bathroom breaks, and audiences dinking around on their phone while Christoph Waltz hams it up, likely demands this be a bit less bloated. Del Toro’s film runs 5 minutes longer than the classic 1931 Frankenstein adaptation and Bride of Frankenstein combined.
Tess Thought (83): I finished it but I really started fading at about the 4 hour mark.
44. The Secret Agent
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 98%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Hulu
This oddball Brazilian political thriller certainly won’t be for everyone as it is quite sprawling and somewhat difficult to follow, particularly in the detour heavy middle section, but Wagner Moura’s performance and the production design are both top notch. Moura, best known stateside for his dynamic portrayal of Pablo Escobar in Narcos, delivers captivating work as a former professor in hiding after making powerful political enemies within a military dictatorship. Moura is unknowingly followed by two hitmen while trying to reunite with his son during the carnival holiday. Director Kleber Mendonca Filho and his production team painstakingly recreate Brazil in the late 70’s and further the verisimilitude by populating the cast with unique faces you don’t typically see on screen anymore.
Tess Thought (105): Lost interest 2 minutes in and it continued to be on in the background for what seemed like the next 5 hours.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 86%
Where to Watch: Still in Theaters
Amanda Seyfried shines in this quasi musical biopic of a key figure in the 18th century Shakers religious movement that serves as a solid look at why someone may give over to religious fervor. The Shakers seek a sense of purpose, belonging, and the ability to transcend the chaos and hardship of earthly existence. I think people just really dig live music also. I feel like that’s gotta be at least half the appeal of those megachurch deals. The rapturous numbers here are well choreographed and create some striking visuals grander than those found in several more overt musicals of recent years.
Tess Thought (84): I’ve not seen Mamma Mia! but that’s probably more my speed.
42. The Baltimorons
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 95%
Where to Watch: Streaming on AMC+
The first film in over a decade from low budget indie comedy darling Jay Duplass tells the tale of a reformed improv comedian who after a Christmas Eve dental mishap embarks on a day of hijinks across Baltimore with his emergency dentist. The film was co-written by Michael Strassner who pulls from his own life as a former alcoholic and Groundlings member. He stars alongside longtime television and theater actress Liz Larsen who has appeared in over 20 episodes of Law & Order playing various bit roles. The pair display a fantastic chemistry as two broken people finding some sparks of joy amidst the melancholy of the holiday season all soundtracked by a fittingly Vince Guaraldi biting jazz score.
Tess Thought (40): I did not care about either character at all at first but loved them both by the end.
41. Good Fortune
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 78%
Where to Watch: Streaming on Starz
Aziz Ansari makes his feature directorial debut with this tale of a well meaning guardian angel swapping the lives of a struggling gig worker (Ansari) and a wealthy tech investor (Seth Rogen). The Keanu Reeves focused bozo Wings of Desire portion is so good. The Aziz focused bozo class conscious romantic comedy is fine. I wish the balance of screen time was switched between those but Rogen and Keke Palmer help keep it chugging along.
Tess Thought (27): I don’t for one single second buy Aziz Ansari as a love interest for Keke Palmer but 100% buy Keanu Reeves as the world’s sweetest guardian angel.
Comments