Wattching Baseball: 2020 Covid-19 SZN Preview

The long wait is over. After months of sitting in quarantine, learning about Swole Daddy, the NC Dinos, and other wonders of the Korean Baseball Organization, and watching bad faith negotiations between billionaire owners and their labor force, Major League Baseball has finally returned! Albeit, in the wildly mutated form of an abbreviated 60 games season so the owners can no longer fear having to sell a yacht or two and can instead potentially reline their pockets with some sweet sweet playoff broadcasting cash. Check out all the quirky new rules coming into play for this bizarre season here including the elimination of pitchers laying down bunts in windbreakers from the National League and adding of baserunners to all extra innings games in hopes of depriving America’s youths of the thrill of an 6 hr 13 inning Yankees-Red Sox game where an outfielder takes the mound to throw 84 mph heat. Who knows if the league will manage to keep the virus at bay long enough to actually complete the season but without further ado, here is where the teams currently stand:

Arizona Diamondbacks

Last Season: 85-77, 2nd Place in NL West, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 2B Ketel Marte. Marte had shown some promise previously, leading the majors in triples in 2018, but the utility man absolutely exploded in his 5th MLB season socking 32 home runs and putting up a scorching .329/.389/.592 slash line. He also brought tremendous versatility splitting his time between center field (89 starts), second base (45 starts) and shortstop (5 starts). His ability to move between these positions and competently field at each made him incredibly valuable. Unfortunately with the DH coming to the NL manager Torey Lovullo won’t get to use this positional fluidity to its fullest potential with any scorebook ravaging double switches.

Fun Player: LHP Madison Bumgarner. A true renaissance man. He’s a 4 time All-Star and World Series MVP with a career 3.13 ERA. He allegedly dated a girl also named Madison Bumgarner in high school. He smokes dingers and wants to compete in the Home Run Derby. This offseason however revealed possibly the wildest thing about Mad Bum yet. He’s been secretly competing in rodeos for years under the assumed name of Mason Saunders. He even took home $26,500 in a recent roping competition. The Diamondbacks will hope his buckaroo days are behind him after inking him to a 5 year $85 million dollar contract this offseason.

As is the case with most youthful indiscretions he was busted by someone else’s social media post

Best Look: The vest propelled Randy Johnson to 4 straight Cy Young’s and a World Series MVP. Who are we to question its powers?

Are they good?: This squad is scrappy. The team was 54-55 when it shipped former ace RHP Zack Greinke to Houston on July 31st and somehow finished 8 games over .500 and just 4 games out of the last Wild Card spot. Along with the aforementioned cattle rustler, the Diamondback also added All-Star CF Starling Marte in a trade with the Pittsburgh Pirates. He and Ketel Marte are somehow not related but they will provide a solid one two punch at the top of the Diamondback’s lineup. Pesky 3B Eduardo Escobar clobbered a career high 35 home runs in his first full season in the desert and tied for the major league lead with 10 triples. In a wide open shortened season, they may have just enough spunk to make some noise.

Atlanta Braves

Last Season: 97-65, 1st Place in NL East, Lost NLDS 3-2 to St. Louis

Best Player: OF Ronald Acuna Jr. One of the brightest young stars in the game today and a create a player level 5 tool threat. Analytics have essentially eliminated steals from the game as a needless risk for all but the most effective of bag swipers but Acuna’s elite speed places him firmly in that category. Acuna led the NL with 37 steals last season while also knocking in 41 homer to leave his eyes firmly set on joining the illustrious 40-40 club when 162 game seasons return. The exclusive power and speed combination club has only 4 members and Acuna would be first since Alfonso Soriano in 2006 and only its second member free from steroid suspicions (Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriquez are a murderers’ row of juicers that first accomplished the feat).

Fun Player: 2B Ozzie Albies. The only thing better than having a 22 year old 5 tool All-Star on your team is having a second one that’s only 345 days older. Albies put up the best offensive numbers of his young career .295/.352/.500 with 24 home runs and an NL high 189 base knocks. He also played lights out defensive posting a .994 fielding percentage while jumping and diving all over the infield and showed off the wheels to dig out 8 triples and go 15/19 swiping bags. Throw in the fact that he and Acuna are adorable best friends and you may have the most dynamic young duo in baseball.

Best Look: No disrespect to their 70’s blue and corresponding throwbacks but Big Boi and Killer Mike have gone too hard for decades to disrespect them by selecting any uniform not featuring the iconic “A” hat sported here by Hammering Hank.

Are they good?: Much like Atlanta, Atlanta has a deep roster full of immense talent that is a bit overlooked by the masses despite two very strong recent seasons. Their AL East compatriot Nationals won the World Series last season but the Braves actually finished 4 games ahead of them to win the divisional crown. If they match their 2019 production Acuna, Albies, and unfortunately currently Covid stricken 1B Freddie Freeman (.295/.389/.549 career high 38 home runs and 121 RBI) in the 1-2-3 holes give the Braves the strongest top of the lineup in the majors. RHP Mike Soroka appears to be a legitimate ace at just 22 years old after putting up a 2.68 ERA and 13-4 record in 174.2 innings in his 2019 rookie season. The biggest question mark in the A is who will take the mound behind him in the rotation. The Braves hope to get solid contributions from veteran starters RHP Mike Foltynewicz and LHP Cole Hamels who both struggled with injuries and effectiveness in 2019. If they put up numbers near their All-Star peaks this is a title contender. If they stumble it could be another early playoff exit for the Braves.

Baltimore Orioles

Last Season: 54-108, 5th Place in AL East, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: LHP: John Means. After a slow and steady climb through 5 seasons in the minors, 27 year old Means had a pretty strong rookie season in 2019 somehow posting a winning record (12-11) for a team that finished 54 games under .500. Means had a very strong first half going 7-4 with a 2.50 ERA to earn the team’s lone All-Star nod. After the All-Star break arm fatigue or the crushing realization that he won’t be able to freely leave the Orioles until at least 2025 seemed to set in as he went a less impressive 5-7 with a 4.85 ERA.

Fun Player: RHP Alex Cobb. Cobb was about as fun as a pitcher can be for opposing batters and fans of the long ball in 2019. Limited to just 12.1 innings by various back and hip issues, Cobb still managed to give up 9 taters, one more than the total strikeouts he accumulated. In his final start of the year he gave up 4 home runs in 4 innings and his ERA actually went down to 10.95. He’s currently penciled into the #2 spot in the rotation because this roster is a heap of moldy crab cakes.

Best Look: The orange look they rocked in Cal Ripken Jr.’s early years. For my money the tri color goofy bird hat is one of the best caps in all of baseball. The paneling looks especially sharp in batting helmet form.

Are they good?: This team may improve this season but only in the same sense that 1B Chris Davis improved from hitting .168 in 2018 to hit .179 last season. They’re still a level of garbage I don’t even think a grouch could live comfortably in.

Boston Red Sox

Last Season: 84-78, 3rd Place in AL East, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: OF Mookie Betts. One of the easiest selections I’ll make throughout this process. Oh what’s that? They traded him for a sack of beans because they “couldn’t afford” to pay him beyond this season? An arguably top 5 player in baseball who in a relatively down year after his 2018 MVP win slashed .295/.391/.524 with 29 home runs and won a Gold Glove? In a league without a salary cap? As the third most valuable franchise in baseball that generates $500 million in annual revenue? Well surely he was due to decline at a moment’s notice as an elderly 27 year old that has never played less than 136 games in his 5 full MLB seasons. A shrewd and wise move that has no doubt been lauded by the happy go lucky Boston sports fans.

Fun Player: 3B Rafael Devers. Raffy Big Stick had a monster year at the dish for the Sox slashing .311/.361/.555 while knocking 32 balls out of the park, adding an AL high 54 two baggers, and accruing an MLB leading 359 total bases. While this is more than enough to make an entertaining player, Devers also brings the added amusement factor of having led all MLB third basemen with 22 errors in 152 games. What’s wild is this was an improvement over his 2018 season where he also led the league with 24 errors in 38 less games. Wilder still, neither of these showings touch his 2017 rookie year where he committed a stomach churning 14 errors in only 56 games, good for 2nd in the AL despite only playing in a hair over 1/3 of the games. Moral of the story, if you’re watching a Red Sox game, you’re likely to see Devers put a ball into the stands one way or another.

Best Look: The home whites are one of the most iconic looks in all of baseball but they really reach their full potential when worn 2 sizes too large with dreads, wrist bands covering the entirety of your forearm and a pine tar caked batting helmet.

Are they good?: No! Isn’t it great? After a near two decade long run of unprecedented success that they will never ever shut up about, we can all take solace in the fact that Boston sports fans have had a miserable 2020. Tom Brady and Gronk left the Pats. The Bruins were rolling as the top team in the NHL only to have their season suspended. Bill Simmons continued to speak. Topping it all off, the Red Sox had a dumpster fire of an offseason. Along with generational star Betts getting shipped out, World Series winning manager Alex Cora was suspended a season for his part in the Astros cheating scandal, and team ace LHP Chris Sale underwent Tommy John surgery in March after an abysmal by his standard’s 6-11 4.40 ERA 2019 season. They do have very fun pieces in Devers, SS Xander Bogaerts (.309/.555/.939 33 HR 117 RBI), LHP Eduardo Rodriguez (19-6 3.81 ERA 213 K in 203.1 innings in 2019) all just entering their primes so savor the down time for now because the Dunkin Donuts regulars will be buzzing again soon.

Chicago Cubs

Last Season: 84-78, 3rd in NL Central, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: SS Javier Baez. A compelling case could be made for 3B Kris Bryant in this spot but Baez’s wizardry in the field gains him the slight edge in the argument for me. The front office must agree because they’ve been shopping 2016 NL MVP Bryant all offseason rather than facing down the prospect of paying both of these offensive juggernauts. Baez wasn’t quite as good with the bat as his incendiary 2018 (.290/.326/.554 with 34 HR 111 RBI) but his still solid 2019 slashline (.281/.316/.531) and stellar glove work during his first full season at the high pressure shortstop position actually gave him the highest WAR of his career at 6.0 despite being limited to 138 games by heel and thumb injuries. If the Cubs do ever succeed in shipping Bryant out before his payday, look for them to back the Brinks truck up to Baez posthaste.

Fun Player: OF Kyle Schwarber. Monstrous jacks? Check. Hilariously inept fielding? Check. Looks like the “cool” dad that buys you a dirt bike after the divorce? Double check. Delightfully chonky? Unfortunately not anymore but the bricks of breading and cheese that Chicagoans claim to be pizza and his added access to clubhouse snacks while often serving as the team’s DH give me hope for a relapse.

Best Look: The Cubs white with blue pinstripes is a timeless look and their slimming vertical stripes help make it slightly less obvious Sammy Sosa was juiced to the gills while swatting 60 homers a year.

Are they good?: MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred has spent a lot of the last few seasons trying to figure out why his league isn’t popular anymore. He may not need to look much further than two of his marquee market franchises spending all offseason trying to find ways to get out of paying two of their brightest young stars. If Boston and Chicago can’t pay preeminent homegrown stars what hope do the Tampa/Montreal Rays have of ever keeping talent? Look for this situation to only become direr as the Covid related losses lead even more owners to upturn an empty wallet to fans before heading back to strip mining legacy media companies for parts, pillaging orphanges for candy and other assorted 3rd generation oil baron and private equity ghoul pastimes.

Chicago White Sox

Last Season: 72-89, 3rd in AL Central, Missed Playoffs by 24 games but actually had their best season since 2016

Best Player: 3B Yoan Moncada. A consensus top 10 MLB prospect prior to the 2016 and 2017 season acquired from the Red Sox in the blockbuster Chris Sale trade, Moancada struggled in his early transition to the majors (.234/.319/.399 in 211 games including an MLB high 217 strikeouts in 2018). However, he seemed to finally adjust to the Major League game and tap into his full potential for an All Star level 2019. The only real question mark for Moncada would be his mental stability as he said staying with the White Sox long term was his top priority during his offseason negotiations. If he performs anywhere near the heights he reached in 2019 (.315/.367/.548 25 HR 79 RBI) the South Siders got an absolute steal locking the 25 yeard old Moncada up for 5 years $70 million.

Fun Player: SS Tim Anderson. He had an instantly iconic bat flip. It got its own bobblehead. Doing it just 17 games into the season in the 4th inning of a fairly meaningless game made it all the more audacious. But boy did Anderson back up every bit of cocksure swagger in this dynamic display with a breakout 2019 where he hit a major league leading .335 as part of a career high .335/.357/.508 slashline. You might notice that his OBP is suspiciously close to his batting average and that is because Anderson is far too electric a player to settle for a boring old walk (AL low 2.9%). That aggressiveness carries over to the field as well where Anderson has the speed and agility to try and make every play giving him the second best range factor in the league. Sometimes that aggressiveness can get away from him as he also led the league’s shortstops in errors for the 3rd year in a row but it does make for an exhilarating watch.

Best Look: It’s the black jersey and grey pants combo that first popped up in the 90’s and made Frank Thomas somehow look even more menacing than his towering 6’5 240 lbs frame. Sidenote: For two seasons Frank Thomas and Bo Jackson were on the same team. Can you imagine even thinking about getting in a brawl with that squad? Tim Anderson could have flipped his bat into the Royals dugout on a single and they would have said, “You know what, he earned it.”

Are they good?: No but I may have to begrudgingly say “sure” when asked that at some point soon. It has been a long and ugly rebuild for the White Sox. The last time they made the playoffs was 2008 and a washed Ken Griffey Jr. was bizarrely on the team. In Moncada (25), Anderson (27), OF Eloy Jimenez (23) who went deep 31 times in his first MLB season, and emergent ace RHP Lucas Giolito (24) a strong young core of players exists to build around. Add in the potential of triple digit heat throwing RHP Michael Kopech (24) who will take this season off after completing a lengthy recovery from Tommy John surgery and 22 year old Cuban OF Luis Robert who slashed .328/.376/.624 with 32 home runs and 36 stolen bases across 3 levels of the minors in 2019 and you have a club that could be very dangerous very soon.

Cincinnati Reds

Last Season: 75-87, 4th Place in NL Central, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 3B Eugenio Suarez. I already had him pegged as the team’s best player heading into last season and his swatting a career high 49 home runs in 2019 makes this even more of no brainer. A bit under the radar because Cincinnati has been red hot garbage since he joined the team in 2015, Saurez is one of the premier sluggers in the game going yard 143 times in 714 games with the Reds (a 32 home run per season average per my calculator app). As is common with such prodigious power he strikes out a bit more than you would like, a Major League high 189 times in 2019, but he still gets on base at a solid .358 clip. Locked into a team friendly 7 year $66 million deal through 2024, Suarez gives the Reds a quality chip to build around while waiting for the Cubs to trade away all their good players for scrap metal.

Fun Player: OF Aristides Aquino. Aquino wasn’t called up to the big leagues until Aug. 1 but he promptly made a name for himself delivering taters with a higher frequency than a high school cafeteria. The rookie sensation smacked a dazzling 19 home runs in just 56 games of major league action including a modern MLB record 11 round trippers in his first 17 games. His penchant for rawhide abuse has earned him the nickname The Punisher. My own eyes happened to be in Great American Ballpark to see that 11th dinger and his bat sucked the life out of a Miles Mikolas slider faster than the 100 degree heat did to the rotund sunbaked usher slumped in the middle of the aisle blocking the path to our seats. For those that may think it was just a hot streak or some fluky luck, he did also hit a staggering 28 dingers in just 78 games at AAA Louisville where the Dominican’s fondness for celebratory flexing earned him a prestigious bobble arm.

Best Look: Possibly counterfeit red jersey with a steeply discounted commemorative Yasiel Puig All-Star hat purchased after he has already been traded.

Are they good?: They seem to think they are after shelling out a pair of $64 million 4 year deals to coveted free agents OF Nick Castellanos and 2B/3B Mike Moustakas. But with the Brewers and Cardinals still strong and the Cubs yet to trade away all their valuable assets it’s pretty hard to see this team in any sort of serious playoff contention. The Reds do have a very solid top of the rotation in RHP Sonny Gray (11-8 2.87 ERA 205 K in 175.1 Innings) and RHP Luis Castillo (15-8 3.40 ERA 226 K in 190.2 Innings). A real wild card for them in every sense of the word is drone aficionado RHP Trevor Bauer. Will he put up numbers like he did in 2018 (12-6 2.21 ERA 221K in 176.1 innings) or will he spend the season getting in twitter beefs and pitching like he did in 10 post trade starts with the Reds (2-5 6.39 ERA giving up over a hit per inning)? Veteran LHP Wade Miley should help out the back end of the rotation but their two headed offensive black hole at catcher and the continued sharp decline of former NL MVP 1B Joey Votto do not bode well for keeping a smile on creepy ole Mr. Redlegs.

Cleveland Indians

Last Season: 93-69, 2nd in AL Central, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: SS Francisco Lindor. One of the top young players in all of baseball with a true 5 tool arsenal at one of the most valued positions so of course, he too is racking up trade rumors. There’s some debate as to whether the Indians simply can’t afford him or if for some reason the multimillionaire in the prime of his life wants out of the thriving metropolis of Cleveland as soon as his contract is up. Regardless someone is going to end up giving up a heap of dough and/or a haul of top prospects to lock in the services of a 26 year old 4 time All-Star that averages .288/.347/.518 with 29 HR and 21 steals per season and has won two Gold Gloves.

Fun Player: 3B Jose Ramirez. With his chubby chinless face and position on the hot corner, Ramirez is what we in the industry refer to as sneaky quick. Despite his lifelong struggle against the ravages of round face disease, Ramirez has established himself as one of the most effective base runners in the game today. Surprisingly adept at stealing bases given roughly league average speed, Jose is 117/145 for his career, good for a 80.7% success rate including 24 in 28 attempts last season and an impressive 34 in 40 the year prior. His baserunning aptitude applies to getting out of the box as well as the switch hitting Ramirez is rarely doubled off. Over the course of the entire 2018 season he only grounded into 2 double plays in 578 at bats.

Best Look: This is a tough call to make because their longtime Chief Wahoo logo is hideously racist and their uniforms since his long overdue retirement are quite bland right down to their generic caps that scream we couldn’t get the rights to an MLB team for this movie. The red ones have a nice font and look sharp with Mike Clevinger’s Dazed and Confused hair.

Are they good?: The owner’s widow isn’t purposely trying to lose so she can move the team to Miami but the roster construction is heading in a similar direction. After 4 years of winning 90+ games the Tribe have found themselves in the precarious no man’s land of being potential playoff contenders but not being legitimate title threats. Some big pieces have been shipped down the Cuyahoga River in recent years as the front office appears to be eyeing up a potential rebuild. Along with shopping Lindor, All-Star RHP Trevor Bauer was sent down state to the Reds at the deadline, 2 time Cy Young winner Corey Kluber was dealt to the Rangers this offseason, and longtime though admittedly diminished two time All-Star 2B Jason Kipnis was cut loose to sign with the Cubs. RHP Mike Clevinger battled some injuries and is currently recovering from a knee injury but confidently took over as team ace last season (13-4 2.71 ERA 169 K in 126 innings) while RHP Shane Bieber (15-8 3.28 ERA and 259 K in 214.1 innings) presents a very strong 1a option. The rest of the rotation including potentially RHP Carlos Carrasco who returned from a Leukemia diagnosis to make 11 September relief appearances will likely determine whether the sell off continues or the team pushes for contention.

Colorado Rockies

Last Season: 71-91, 4th in NL West, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 3B Nolan Arenado, for now. The Rockies have added a new wrinkle to teams trading franchise cornerstones rather than risking paying them by shopping Arenado after already signing him to his massive 8 year $260 million contract extension prior to the 2019 season. Arenado is a the exact kind of consistent two way generational talent that you actually want on a massive lengthy contract and after getting paid he had arguably the best year yet of his impressive career. He had career highs in batting average (.315) and OBP (.379) while striking out a relatively low 93 times in 155 games for someone that left the yard 41 times. At 29, Arenado should have several more years of All-Star level production left and even in a diminished state would be one of the top third basemen in the league. Having not played less than 155 games since 2015 durability is not a concern and the shortened season should look to keep some extra tread on the tires.

Fun Player: SS Trevor Story. Part of the reason Arenado has been shopped around is that the Rockies find themselves in a similar predicament to the Cubs of having two dominant players smack dab in the prime of the career at the exact same time. That sounds more like a tremendous blessing rather than some terrible burden but as noted, MLB owners have been crying poor for years and that’s only going to get all the more heightened by the loss of 2020 revenue. While Story is not quite as good as Arenado, shortstops that average 37 home runs per 162 games, steal 20+ bags, can give you 2+ dWAR out in the field and slash .294/.363/.554 are few and far between in any given decade.

Best Look: Purple jersey, no pants.

Like I wasn’t going to shoehorn in Dinger, the 2nd best mascot in all of baseball

Are they good?: With a lineup featuring Arenado, Story and 4 time All-Star OF Charlie Blackmon, the rotation just needs to be within even sniffing distance of league average for them to be a playoff contender. Conversely, if they look anything like the 2019 iteration, the grounds crew is going to be very busy picking balls out of the empty Coors Field stands. The Rockies had 4 different starters make more than 15 starts and post ERA’s above 6.50. LHP Tyler Anderson also deserves a special shoutout for never lasting more than 5 innings or giving up less than 5 earned runs while going 0-3 with an 11.76 ERA the 5 times he was given the starting nod. These vomit inducing starter numbers don’t even include closer Wade Davis who had one of the most horrific seasons imaginable for a reliever. 1-6 with a 8.65 ERA in 50 appearances had Rockies fans ahead of the curve and watching him with masks on for fear of catching whatever had the 3 time All-Star giving up 1.875 walks and hits per innings pitched.

Detroit Tigers

Last Season: 47-114, Last in AL Central, Missed Playoffs/Were so inconsequential MLB didn’t even have them play all 162 games

Best Player: LHP Matthew Boyd. Boyd (9-12 4.56 ERA in 2019) would be a perfectly serviceable end of the rotation starter unfortunately in the post apocalyptic hellscape that is the 2020 Tigers roster he is far and away the ace. He did have a significant jump in his strikeout rate last season to 11.6 per 9 innings up from his previous career rate of 7.7. I can only assume this was related to batters aggressively trying to hit everything to the moon upon hearing he was passing out four baggers like candy at a 1.9 per 9 inning clip, good for a league high 39 times hanging his head in shame.

Fun Player: UTIL. Niko Goodrum. Started a game at 7 different positions last season. 8 if you count the 4 games he served as DH . He’s not especially good at anything but with the holes all over this trash roster expect him to continue to appear all over the diamond.

Best Look: The all whites with their signature fancy script D are a time honored and tiger approved look that team has rarely strayed from excluding 1927, the year I assume their legal team let a fan design the logo as compensation for getting brain damaged when struck by a foul ball.

Are they good?: Lord no. Prior to the pandemic I was planning to head to Comerica Park for the first time this summer. After looking at this barren wasteland of a roster I may yet get the chance. Their starting CF JaCoby Jones hit a career HIGH .235 last year while producing -0.1 WAR and their starting LF Christin Stewart is somehow even worse producing -0.3 WAR in 2019. As the result no doubt of some sort of cruel Faustian bargain to have a long MLB career, the dried up husk of once promising OF Cameron Maybin is beginning his third stint with the franchise. As a frequent pinch runner in high school a decade ago, I am no doubt on their short list for a call up should any coughs start to go around the clubhouse. God forbid they do because Manager Ron Gardenhire’s more and more permanently red face appears to connote some sort of underlying health condition.

I would suspect this hue is more related to 114 long 2019 nights than his single season in the Arizona sun

Kansas City Royals

Last Season: 59-103, 4th Place in AL Central, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 2B/OF Whit Merrifield. An argument could be made for OF/DH Jorge Soler who swatted an AL leading 48 dingers last seasons but he also struck out an AL leading 178 times and plays Delmon Young esque defense so the edge has to go to the all-around solid Merrifield. Merrifield gives you a little bit of everything splitting his starts between second base and the outfield and slashing .302/.348/.463 while leading the league in both hits and triples. Despite struggling a bit on the base paths last season (only 20 steals while being caught a league high 10 times), Whit has also shown some impressive wheels in the past (AL leading 34 and 45 steals in ’17 and ’18). He has two years left on his deal after this season but don’t be surprised to see several contenders kick the tires on acquiring him when Kansas City falls 20 games out of contention by the 8/31 trade deadline.

Fun Player: SS Adalberto Mondesi. The 24 year old Mondesi has shown flashes of talent and speed that make him one of the most enticing young players in the game. He stole 43 bases and hit a league leading 10 triples in only 102 games last season. He also has a fairly bizarre backstory. Mondesi only started going by Adalberto in 2018 as his legal name is Raul Mondesi, which is the same as his former MLB All-Star father. In a move straight from the George Foreman playbook it is also the name of his older brother Raul Mondesi Jr. who confusingly hit .231 in the Pioneer League the same year good Raul hit .290 in that very league. I’m sure the sudden name change had nothing to do with his father being sentenced to 8 years in prison for corruption charges after stealing humanitarian aid during a dubious stint as the mayor of San Cristobal. So to recap, Raul Mondesi Sr., sketchy former star, Raul Mondesi Jr., a disappointment and Raul Adelberto Mondesi, fast as hell.

Best Look: The baby blues are an especially good look for chewing out the entire crew of umpires or breaking your bat over your head.

Are they good?: Not even close but I hear they have pretty good BBQ and the Chiefs just won the Super Bowl on the back of 24 years old QB Patrick Mahomes so I don’t think the fans will be too riled up about it. They should get 6 time All-Star C Salvador Perez back behind the dish following his Covid recovery after missing all of 2019 due Tommy John and Soler did hit those 48 bombs last year so fans do have something to tune in for giving them a slight edge over the Detroits and Baltimores of the league.

Houston Astros:

Last Season: 107-55, 1st in AL West, Lost World Series to the Washington Nationals 4-3

Best Player: Rubbermaid.

Fun Player: RHP Lance McCullers Jr. McCullers is coming off Tommy John surgery that forced him to miss the entire 2019 season but if he comes back anywhere close to 100% he has some of the filthiest pitches in the entire league. Even if a batter did know what was coming, at the height of his powers, I don’t think many are hitting his disgusting change ups.

Or his knuckle curve.

Even his fastballs have filthy screwball type movement.

Best Look: Holding their jersey shut to avoid the buzzer underneath being exposed.

Are they good?: Hopefully better than they are at public apologies. Houston has won more than 100 games and made the ALCS each of the last 3 seasons including a World Series win in 2017. Of course all of this is now tainted by the extensive sign stealing operation conducted during this run of success. It’s a real shame because this team is and has been absolutely loaded. 3B Alex Bregman (.296/.423/.592 41 HR 112 RBI 1.9 dWAR) is the second best player in the AL and should scoop up multiple MVP trophies if Mike Trout ever succumbs to injuries or voter fatigue. 2B Jose Altuve is a career .315 hitter who left the yard a career high 31 times in just 124 games last season. Throw in 3 time All-Star OF George Springer who hit a career high 39 long bombs in 2019 and 2019 AL Rookie of the Year DH Yordan Alvarez and you have a very dangerous lineup if they survive the barrage of beanings they’ll no doubt face upon their return. On the mound RHP Justin Verlander and RHP Zack Greinke are a pair of Cy Young winning aces that remain dominant workhorses well into the back half of their careers (21-6 2.58 ERA 330K in an MLB High 223 innings and 18-5 2.93 ERA in 208.2 innings respectively in 2019).

Los Angeles Angels

Last Season: 72-90, 4th Place in the AL West, Missed the playoffs and wasted yet another year in the career of the greatest player of his generation

Best Player: CF Mike Trout. Trout won his 3rd MVP, crushed a career high 45 home runs, led the AL in OBP and SLG, and it could reasonably be said that he had a down year because he had the second lowest batting average (.291) and lowest steal total (11) of his career. He could retire today at age 28 and have more Wins Above Replacement (72.8) than the average Hall of Famer (71.3). Thankfully for baseball fans everywhere, the Angels have signed him for 11 more years and at least 4-5 of those should fall in his volcanic prime.

Fun Player: DH/RHP Shohei Ohtani. New Halos manager Joe Maddon has to be salivating to get his hands on a true two way pitcher after years of occasionally sticking Cubs pitchers out in the outfield to game lineup rules. Ohtani didn’t toe the rubber last year after undergoing Tommy John surgery but had an impressive albeit abbreviated rookie season on the mound in 2018 striking out 63 in 51.2 innings while going 4-2 with a 3.31 ERA in 10 starts. His right arm looks to be back to full high 90’s strength due to the added recovery time of a shortened season and he will get the starting nod once a week in a likely 6 man rotation. The other days of the week Ohtani will serve as the team’s DH where he can mash taters with the best of them and has put up an impressive career line of .286/.351/.883 with 40 HR in 210 games.

Best Look: The Angels have a history of fairly generic uniforms disrupted by a brief foray into Disneyfied garbage when the house of mouse briefly owned the team. So I’ll give a slight edge to the current Red.

Are they good?: A lot of broken homes are starting to have some hope to finally be reunited. The Angels have missed the playoffs 7 of Mike Trout’s 8 full seasons of historic dominance. In hopes of rectifying this waste, the halos brought in 3 time manager of the year and World Series champion Joe Maddon to steer the ship and shelled out $245 million over 7 seasons for highly coveted free agent 3B Anthony Rendon. On just about any other team Rendon, who put up a career best .319/.412/.598 and 34 HR in 2019, would be the offensive linchpin but here he just needs to be the Falcon to Trout’s Captain America. Filling the Hawkeye role of mostly useless but occasional handy teammate will be a well past his prime 1B Albert Pujols. The future hall of famer still has some pop (23 dingers in 131 games in 2019) and a week or two hot streak could make a huge difference with only 60 games on the schedule. They’re gonna need all the round trippers they can get because outside of Ohtani and reliable newcomer RHP Julio Teheran (career 3.67 ERA) the rotation may need some divine intervention in order to get the game’s brightest star back on its biggest stage

Los Angeles Dodgers

Last Season: 106-56, 1st in NL West, Lost NLDS to Nats 3-2

Best Player: OF Cody Bellinger. What’s really bonkers about the Mookie Betts trade other than a franchise player being traded for tax relief and some fungo bats, is that he ended up on one of the only teams with a better right fielder in 2019. Bellinger was simply unstoppable last season scorching to a .305/.406/.629 47 HR 117 RBI stat line and earning a Gold Glove for defense in addition to the NL MVP. A .629 Slugging % is something Mike Trout has only done twice in his career and the number may have been aided by the allegedly juiced balls in play last season so there will likely be some regression but at just 24 years old, the smog filled L.A. sky is the limit for Bellinger.

Fun Player: RHP Walker Buehler. LHP Clayton Kershaw has 3 Cy Youngs, an MVP, a career 2.44 ERA and likely remains the team’s best pitcher at least for now but the most tantalizing arm on the staff belongs to Buehler. Buehler throws absolute gas, has 5 different pitches and has the cocky swagger to match.

Best Look: Dodgers haven’t really ever changed their uniform so here’s a picture of Fernando Valenzuela throwing gas with a luscious mane in the classic whites.

Are they good?: They won 105 games last year and added a top 5 player in RF Mookie Betts to an already loaded lineup. OF Joc Pederson hit 36 home runs last season and was penciled in as their 4th outfielder before the DH expansion. The Dodgers have won the last 7 NL West Division Titles, made it to the NLCS 4 times and lost 2 World Series during that span. Each of the last 4 postseasons they have been eliminated by the eventual champ. This year really seems like it could be the one to finally put them over the top and bestow validation upon their impressive string of success. It better be too because they only have Betts under contract for this 60 game season before he enters free agency where another team could lure him away with the Scrooge McDuckian pool of gold coins he deserves.

Miami Marlins

Last Season: 57-105, 5th Place in the NL East, Dead Last in the entire NL by 12 whole games

Best Player: 3B/OF Brian Anderson. At 27, Anderson (.261/.342/.468 20 HR in 126 Games) is entering the prime of his career and becomes arbitration eligible next season so look for team CEO Derek Jeter to ship him out in exchange for some hair plugs later this season.

Jeter eyeing up which of his players he can trade to pay for today’s Cuban sandwich

Fun Player: LHP Caleb Smith. In no way an endorsement of his abilities as he appears to be a middling pitcher at best (10-11 4.52 ERA in 2019) but he is exciting. He appears to be a bit of a three true outcome pitcher. This means he’s either going to strike the batter out (168 K’s in 153.1 innings), walk them (a ghastly career rate of 3.7 walks per 9 innings) or give up a moonshot (gave up an NL leading 33 home runs in 2019). With nasty sliders and changeups, lackluster control and a fastball that tops out around 93 mph expect a lot more of the same three outcome rotation in 2020.

Best Look: The orange v cut youth extra medium with skin tight white pants

Dale

Are they good?: A whiskey sour in a 7 oz. plastic Dixie cup filled to the brim with ice cost me $12 in a Miami bar. You could get 2-3 front row seats at a Marlins game for that price if and when fans are admitted back into the stadium but I would much rather have the watered down well drink.

Milwaukee Brewers

Last Season: 89-73, 2nd Place in NL Central, Lost NL Wild Card Game in devastating fashion to eventual World Series Champion Nationals

Best Player: OF Christian Yelich. I’m not entirely convinced that Pete Davidson hasn’t been getting with a slew of attractive women because they are confusing him with his Major League doppelganger. It would all make a lot more sense because Yelich has been an absolute stud in his first two seasons in Milwaukee. He followed up his 2018 NL MVP season with an even better 2019 where he slashed a league leading .329/.429/.671 along with a career high 44 home runs and 30 stolen bases without even playing the last month of the season due to a fractured knee cap. Somebody please get Kate Beckinsale the correct contact information.

Fun Player: LHP Josh Hader. One of if not the filthiest reliever in the game today. Averages an eyepopping 15.3 strikeouts per 9 innings for his career and set an even higher bar with 16.4 last season. Hader has a deceptive side arm sling from which he hurls almost exclusively a fastball that comfortable sits in the upper 90s. Here he is striking out the side on just 9 pitches, all fastballs.

If someone even thinks about touching the darting heaters, he can mix in some sliders with near identical delivery but coming in a disorienting 15-20 mph slower.

Throw in the durability to go multiple innings when needed and you have a picture perfect closer.

Best Look: Gotta go with one featuring the baseball glove formed out of the M and the B that is one of the best logos in all of sports. The vertical stripes are what they rocked in their lone World Series appearance, look good with a stache and can also be beneficially thinning for their brat, cheese and beer engorged fan base so I’ll give that set the edge.

Are they good?: They better be because it’s the last year they’d get to celebrate in aptly sponsored Miller Park before American Family Insurance gets the naming rights and replaces the water slide with a bowl of free pens. The Brewers have competed at the top of the NL Central the last two seasons but their window may be narrowing with the Cubs and Cardinals remaining strong and the new and improved Reds looking to steal some games off them. It doesn’t help that before realizing the cost savings they’d achieve from not having to lather up Bernie Brewer with SPF 100 for 81 home games, the Brewers let All-Stars C Yasmani Grandal and 3B Mike Moustakas walk. C Omar Narvaez shouldn’t be too significant a downgrade behind the plate but they’ll try to fill that 35 dinger sized hole at the hot corner with a platoon of Eric Sogard who started last season as a 32 year old in AAA and Jedd Gyorko who hit .174 across 94 at bats for the Padres and Dodgers last season. Former MVP and destroyer of Aaron Rodgers’s trust OF Ryan Braun and his 36 year old legs could be a big beneficiary of the shortened season and some time at the new DH spot to help temper that loss of production.

Minnesota Twins

Last Season: 101-61, 1st in AL Central, All records mysteriously lost for what happened to them in the playoffs but I’m sure it wasn’t anything embarrassing that shattered me to my core so no need to look into that further

Best Player: SS Jorge Polanco. The Twins have an incredibly deep roster full of above average players but no real standout superstar so I’ll give the edge to the guy who started the 2019 All-Star Game. Polanco cooled off a bit in the second half after hitting .312/.368/.514 prior to the break but even his diminished second half line of .273/.341/.447 would be excellent table setting for DH Nelson Cruz (41 Dingers in 2019), 3B Josh Donaldson (37 Round Trippers), 1B Miguel Sano (34 Long Bombs), Mitch Garver (31 Moon Shots) and the rest of the Land of 10,000 Rakes batting behind him

Fun Player: DH Nelson Cruz. The man they call BOOMSTICK not only established himself as the best DH in the history of the Twins in a single .311/.392/.639 41 bomba season, but changed the entire culture of the once small ball driven team. In August and September Cruz slashed a blistering .363/.427/.707 with 15 HR and 46 RBI to ensure the Twins staved off a surging Indians team down the stretch to clinch their first division title since 2010. He’s turning 40 this year but even a regression to his 2018 numbers (.256/.342/.509) is miles better than the recent days when the Twins trotted out career (.252/.351/.372) Robbie Grossman to DH at the bottom of the lineup.

Best Look: No disrespect to the fantastic baby blue unis that come in and out of rotation but it’s not a primary Twins color so the slight nod goes to the end of the Metrodome Era Navy Blue with the Twins Script.

A look that makes you smell the Dome Dogs and AL Central Titles

Are they good?: They just had their most successful regular season since 1965. 3 ghosts visited owner Jim Pohlad in the night to convince him to crack open his long sealed wallet for former AL MVP Josh Donaldson. Their starting rotation is deeper with LHP Rich Hill, RHP Kenta Maeda and RHP Homer Bailey joining the squad. My hopes have never been higher. My years of Minnesota sports experience have taught me well though that the rug will be pulled out at any moment. I very much anticipate things like Miguel Sano ballooning up to 300 lbs now that he has shifted to first base, Gold Glove CF Byron Buxton missing his annual half a season, Donaldson injuring himself early and often, Cruz aging rapidly or getting popped again for steroids when he doesn’t, surprising breakout star C Mitch Garver turning back into a pumpkin, and clutch innings being handed over to a Grubhub delivery man as they lose 90 games*.

*Please note I wrote this passage prior to the COVID-19 Outbreak so I think we can blame the entire global crisis on my hopes and dreams

New York Mets

Last Season: 86-76, 3rd in NL East, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: RHP Jacob deGrom. The last two seasons, deGrom has been nothing short of dominant. A combined 2.05 ERA. Back to back Cy Young awards. 524 strikeouts in 421 innings. Just an absolute force. The Mets have him locked up to a 5 year $137.5 million deal through 2023. It would be nice if during that time they could assemble any semblance of a team around him so that he could win more than 11 games a year.

Fun Player: 1B Pete Alonso. The man tanks balls into orbit. He won the HR Derby and hit a major league rookie record 53 home runs last season. He also appears to be a big proponent of swearing which I like to see out of my dinger dandies.

Best Look: Home white pinstripes is a pretty standard look across the league but the Mets add some pizazz with their 80s era racing stripe down the side they captured the 1986 World Series in and still bring back on occasion.

Are they good?: One of the toughest teams to tell over a shortened campaign because 2019 was very much a tale of two halves for the Metropolitans. Heading into the All-Star break they were 40-50, but they then went a scorching 46-26 in the second half to finish just 3 games out of a Wild Card spot. Gone are rotation mainstays RHP Zack Wheeler who signed with the Phillies and RHP Noah Syndergaard who underwent Tommy John surgery in March to repair a torn UCL. Picking up the slack will be last year’s deadline acquisition RHP Marcus Stroman, who after going 6-11 with a 2.96 ERA on the Blue Jays went 4-2 with a 3.77 for the Mets showing wins and losses to be fairly meaningless stats for starting pitchers, and free agent signee RHP Rick Porcello who was a far cry from his 2016 Cy Young winning form in 2019 putting up a 5.52 ERA in his last season with the Red Sox. It really could go either way for the Mets but I’m sure the Wilpon’s who lost all their money in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi Scheme and are desperately trying to sell the team during great international economic turmoil will surely do all they can to put out a winning product. OF Yeonis Cepedes has hopefully avoided the wild boars and holes on his ranch well enough during quarantine to perhaps turn the tide with some reps at DH.

New York Yankees

Last Season: 103-59, 1st Place in AL East, Lost ALCS 4-2 to Houston

Best Player: RHP Gerrit Cole. No disrespect to actual 2019 AL Cy Young winner Justin Verlander, but Cole was far and away the most overpowering starter in the entire league last year. Cole racked up 326 strikeouts, the most since Randy Johnson back in 2002, at a borderline abusive rate of 13.8 per 9 innings while posting an AL low 2.50 ERA and giving up a miniscule 0.895 walks and hits per inning pitched. It is a real shame lovers of truth and justice can no longer root for him for the next 9 years after this bastion of evil signed him to a record $324 million deal this offseason.

Fun Player: OF Brett Gardner. I enjoy when he gets hit by pitches and by his own helmet.

Best Look: Dejected after losing a heart breaking playoff loss.

Are they good?: As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough, the Yankees are favored to win the AL pennant. They’ve already won 100 games back to back years. Now they’ve added the most highly sought after free agent pitcher in Cole. Throw in the fact that even with a limited 60 game schedule they should almost certainly get more games out of slugging RF Giancarlo Stanton than they did last season (18) and it’s enough to make your stomach churn.

Oakland Athletics

Last Season: 97-65, 2nd Place In AL West, Lost Wild Card Game 1-0 to Tampa Bay Rays

Best Player: 3B Matt Chapman: Simply put one of the best defensive players in the game today and he mashes taters to boot. SS Marcus Semien made a strong case for this spot last season putting up 8.9 WAR via a .285/.369/.522 33 HR line while playing solid defense but the numbers seem like a bit of a juiced ball fluke after his 6 previous years in the league produced a .249/.310/.403 and 19 HR average. Conversely Chapman’s solid offensive numbers actually dipped a bit last season (.249/.342/.506 in 2019 compared to .278/.356/.508 in 2018) but he did crank a career high 36 dingers and at 27 is smack dab in the prime of his career.

Fun Player: RHP Liam Hendriks. After 8 seasons of middling performance as a starter and middle reliever the 31 year old Aussie came from out of nowhere to be one of the most dominate closers in all of baseball. Hendriks put up 124 strikeouts in 85 innings, good for an absurd 13.1 strikeouts per 9 innings. These numbers are well out of line with his previous career rate of 8.1 strikeouts per 9 inning but it coincides with an entire change to his approach. Focusing now on getting 3 outs and 3 outs only as quickly as possible the burly 6’ 225 lbs Hendriks has ditched his groundball inducing sinker to focus almost solely on firing high 90s heaters and hard sliders while mixing in the occasional equilibrium shifting 12-6 curveball.

Best Look: The green and golds paired with a gold chain, luscious mane, and tinted sunglasses.

Are they good?: Sure why not, but you know what is unbelievably good? The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience by Lonely Island. Maybe the group's finest hour and this is coming from one of the half dozen people that paid to see Popstar: Never Stop Stopping in theaters after viewing Hot Rod an unconscionable number of times. Focusing on 80’s era Athletics legends Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire the short film tells a surprisingly poignant tale of the weight of fame and the immoral choices we often make in its pursuit. The beats are banging, the rhymes are cold, and the bros are swole. The short film is on Netflix and the soundtrack is streaming everywhere. Check it out before you continue to read about the Pittsburgh Pirates or whatever other made up teams are left in this preview.

Philadelphia Phillies

Last Season: 81-81, 4th Place in NL East, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: C J.T. Realmuto. Arguably the best all-around catcher in the game today, the two time All-Star give you what you want at the plate (.275/.328/.493 with 25 HR and 83 RBI) and Gold Glove winning defense behind it, including catching an NL best 43 base stealers total and preventing 46.7% of all attempts. Hell he even stole 9 bases of his own last season. He also blessed us all with a hall of fame reaction video.

Whomst among us doesn’t have a coworker we react to in the same way when they bound into the office? A man of the people.

Fun Player: RF Bryce Harper. The days of debating whether Harper or Mike Trout were the future of the league are long over with Harper decidedly on the short end. After 4 full seasons it’s looking less and less likely we will ever see him reach the Troutesque heights of his 2015 MVP season were he put up a blistering .330/.460/.649 line with an NL high 42 round trippers but he’s still an offensive weapon. The guy can absolutely still rake when he makes contact knocking 35 long balls and 114 runs in 2019. The problem has been making contact the last two years as hit .249 with 169 strikeouts in 2018 only to follow it up with a career high 178 strikeouts last season albeit with a slightly improved but still pedestrian .260 batting average. We’ll see if the extra months of reps in the cage with his cartoonishly jacked dad out in Vegas could turn that around in 2020.

Best Look: The powder blue and maroons worn on the road in the 70’s and 80’s back when they had a zipper down the front, that they now dust off as home alternates.

Doesn’t hurt their case that Bryce Harper hit a walk off grand slam in them

Are they good?: This team reminds me a lot of Philadelphia’s greatest sporting legend Rocky Balboa. They’re inconsistent, teetering on the edge of past their prime, but always have an explosive puncher’s chance. This makes them a very intriguing squad for what should be a wild 60 game season. 34 year old 2015 NL Cy Young RHP Jake Arrieta threw his fewest innings since 2013 (135.2) while posting a pedestrian 4.64 ERA in 2018. 2013 NL MVP OF Andew McCutchen played a 59 game schedule last season before tearing his ACL in June. OF Jay Bruce is another largely washed 3 time NL All-Star that could really reap the benefits of a shortened schedule and DH slot to squeeze out every last bit of his once prodigious pop. The 33 year old hit 26 home runs and actually slugged a career high .523 in 98 games last season. Harper, Realmuto and team ace RHP Aaron Nola guarantee the Phils will be a certain level of competitive but the team’s ultimate fortune may rest on the contributions of these former stars and how their bodies respond to a late starting sprint of a season. With former NL Manager of the year and World Series Champion Joe Girardi now serving as the team’s Mick they may just land a few knockout blows.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Last Season: 69-93, 5th Place in NL Central, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: OF Bryan Reynolds. The 25 year old Reynolds is far from a household name but after a steady rise through the minors put up a very strong debut season finishing 4th in 2019 NL Rookie of the Year voting. Reynolds was especially hot out of the gate batting .355 through June 30th last season, coincidentally an even 60 game sample. He cooled off quite a bit late in the season particularly in September where he hit .230, likely a bit fatigued from his first time playing more than 121 games in a season, but still finished with an All-Star level .314/.377/.503 slash line. That fatigue shouldn’t be a concern this year and with the versatility to play all 3 outfield spots he’ll be an invaluable piece for new manager Derek Shelton.

Fun Player: 1B Josh Bell. Bell is a bit of a one trick pony but when that trick is mashing the hell out of the ball it’s good enough for me. The first time All-Star slugged .569 and hit a career high 37 home runs and 116 RBI in 2019. He’s a massive and moderately chonky 6’4 250 lbs, just how I want my strictly power hitting first basemen to be. Further solidifying his stature as the platonic ideal of a slugger and slugger only he committed 13 errors at first base last season, good for second worst in the NL. This guy was destined to be a DH, with the shortened season rule change finally bringing the DH to the NL, look for a lot more of Bell crushing protein bars and banging out wrist curls in the clubhouse than fumbling around with slow rollers out in the field.

Best Look: Black and Yellow are synonymous with Pittsburgh sports but black uniforms can be a bit bland and yellow can be quite garish so I’m picking the classic vest and stirrup look here that uses them as accents instead. No disrespect to the striped pillbox hat.

Are they good?: Like the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, this team is an absolute mess. Just like that film series the Pirates were competitively mediocre early on, going 44-45 prior to the All-Star Break before catching scurvy and going 25-48 in the second half. A major part of that drop off was injuries to key starters RHP Chris Archer and swashbucklingly named RHP Jameson Taillon. Both pitchers are out the entirety of this season as well which does not bode well for a rotation that didn’t have a single pitcher start more than one game and have an ERA below 4.44. The team’s lineup and defense were both worsened by the offseason trade of 2 time Gold Glove winning CF Starling Marte. Most definitely do not look to the bullpen for good news either as their 2 time All-Star closer and despicable human being Felipe Vazquez was given the old heave-ho out of the league in September over numerous sexual misconduct and child pornography charges.

San Diego Padres

Last Season: 70-92, 5th Place in NL West, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 3B Manny Machado. Machado has played 8 seasons, put up 1200 hits, gone yard 207 times, made 4 All-Star teams, won 2 Gold Gloves, and just turned 28 earlier this month. Just giving some reminders for why the Padres forked over $300 million to lock in his services for 13 years in case his moderately ho hum 2019 (.256/.334/.462) had caused any doubts. If he can avoid shortened seasons, be they from injury or bungled global pandemic, he could be staring down both the automatic Cooperstown enshrinement numbers of 3,000 hits and 500 home runs by the end of the deal.

Fun Player: SS Fernando Tatis Jr. Tatis was nothing short of exhilarating in his first major league season. Spectacular plays in the field, stealing extra runs with aggressive base running, and raking at the plate to the tune of .317/.379/.969 and 22 home runs in just 84 games. That limited schedule due to hamstring and back injuries dropped him to third in NL Rookie of the Year voting despite the gaudy stat line. It’s a shame we’ll have to wait until at least 2021 to see what he kind of numbers and highlight reel El Nino can put together across a full 162 game slate.

Best Look: I decided the highlight best uniforms this year essentially just to notify you all that the Padres uniforms used to absolutely slap.

Are they good?: They’re definitely going to be looking good after dusting off a variation of the brown uniforms for the season. The Dodgers should run away with the division but if all the Padres prayers are answered they should be in Wild Card contention. A bounce back from underperforming Machado and fellow former All-Star Wil Meyers who hit a paltry .239, a healthy Tatis and newly acquired OF Tommy Pham should help shore up an offense that finished in the bottom 3 of the NL in nearly every offensive category. The Padres brought in another front end starter to pair with RHP Chris Paddack (3.33 ERA 153K in 140.2 2019 Innings) in an offseason trade for RHP Zach Davies (3.55 ERA in 159.2 Innings). An X-factor will be former Angels ace RHP Garret Richards who has only pitched 147.1 innings in the last 4 seasons while dealing with elbow injuries. He didn’t look good for San Diego in his brief return from Tommy John last season (8.31 ERA in 8.2 innings) but the added recovery time may spur a comeback to form (Career 3.60 ERA). If the pitching staff does get leads to the latter innings, they have one of the game’s best closers in RHP Kirby Yates who led the Majors with 41 saves while posting a minuscule 1.19 ERA and racking up 101 K in 60.2 innings of work.

San Francisco Giants

Last Season: 77-85, 3rd in NL West, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: RHP Jeff Samardzija. With longtime ace Madison Bumgarner signing with Arizona and longtime star C Buster Posey nobly opting out of the season, this becomes a selection by attrition for a fairly mediocre vet. Samardzija did quietly have the best of his 4 years out in the Bay last season putting up a very respectable 3.52 ERA in 181.1 innings so sure why not. It also doesn’t hurt Samardzija in this wholly biased selection process that he used to catch tight spirals from Brady Quinn at the finest university in all the land.

Fun Player: OF Hunter Pence. He looks like Marv from Home Alone. He has some of the wildest fundamentals, or lack thereof, you will ever see on a major leaguer. He falls down. His throwing motion is a war crime. He swings like he’s trying to crack open a piñata. Sometimes he doesn’t even hang on to the bat. He is a joy to watch.

Best Look: The home creams are just different enough from a standard home white to get some extra shine and paired with pants rolled up above the knee and a bright orange arm sleeve they can’t be beat.

Are they good?: If it was 2014 this roster would be unbelievably loaded. In 2020 however, I’m worried they may all fall in the high risk category for Covid-19. Samardzija (35), Pence (37), SS Brandon Crawford (33), 3B Evan Longoria (34), 3B/1B Pablo Sandoval (33), Closer Tony Watson (35) and RHP Johnny Cueto (34) are all former All-Stars on the wrong side of their prime. A shortened season and the added DH slot could prove beneficial with less wear and tear on these old timers but more likely the lack of time for them to whip their bodies into playing shape will wreak havoc on their weary joints and brittle bones. The best fans can hope for are some occasional sparks to remind them of the mid 2010’s heydays of both the washed players and the struggling franchise.

Seattle Mariners

Last Season: 68-94, Last in AL West, Missed Playoffs per usual

Best Player: 3B Kyle Seager. Last year I picked OF Mitch Haniger and it proved to be quite the kiss of death as he not only put up a stat line more depressing than any grunge album (.220/.314/.463) but also exploded one of his testicles. Hopefully one time All-Star Seager’s nads fair better but his lads certainly won’t with his .239/.321/.468 line plugged into the heart of their lineup.

Fun Player: OF Mallex Smith. This guy can fly. I don’t know if you clicked on that highlight link or not but the first one is an infield single on a ball he hit 4-5 steps to the right of the second baseman. Smith had a major league leading 46 steals in 2019 and put up 40 more the year prior. He had a rough year at the plate in 2019 slashing an anemic .227/.300/.335 with an appalling 141 strikeouts in 134 games but his career numbers suggest some bounce back here (.259/.330/.367) and in 2018 he hit a very respectable .296. The Mariners certainly hope those numbers perk back up but he doesn’t even always need to swing the bat to make an offensive contribution. Here he is stealing 2nd, 3rd, and home following a walk against the Rangers last May.

Best Look: The Mariners wear a lot of bland gray and navy fits like a lot of other teams. Combined with their league high 19 year playoff drought it makes them one of the most forgettable teams in the league. Therefore it’s a no brainer to go with their peak 90’s teal jerseys that coincided with their most exciting teams.

Are they good?: One of the lone bright spots of the COVID-19 outbreak for the state of Washington is that fans will not be subjected to a full season of Mariners baseball. Looking up and down their projected lineup the only things significantly above replacement level are the names of 2B Shed Long and RHP Taijuan Walker. They won’t even sniff the playoffs but mark those two down for an appearance in a mumbled Eddie Vedder lyric sometime soon.

St. Louis Cardinals

Last Season: 91-71, 1st Place in NL Central, Lost in NLCS 4-0 to Washington Nationals

Best Player: RHP Jack Flaherty. The 24 year old Flaherty had a breakout 2019 going 11-8 with a 2.75 ERA and 231 strikeouts in a career high 196.1 innings. That was good enough for a 4th place finish in the Cy Young vote but even more impressive when you consider the fact that he was fairly mediocre to start the year (4-6 4.64 ERA through July 7th). Following the All-Star break Flaherty was flat out untouchable. In 15 post break starts Flaherty was 7-2 with a miniscule 0.91 ERA and 124 strikeouts in 99.1 innings while holding opponents to a slashline eerily similar to what I hit in my days of travel baseball (.142/.208/.217). If he puts up numbers anywhere close to that over these 60 games, Busch Stadium fans will be stacking dozens of Budweiser cans on his statue in no time.

Fun Player: OF Harrison Bader. This guy’s got a motor and he uses it to make some spectacular plays. Bader has some of the best range in the league but he isn’t just flying around making leaping and diving catches. He also has a cannon of an arm giving him a deadly defensive combination. He turned an MLB leading 4 double plays as a center fielder in 2019 and was second in the NL with 8 outfield assists. He couldn’t do much of anything with the bat last season (.205/.314/.366) but with what he brings to the table with his glove, even a return to his modest 2018 rookie numbers (.264/.334/.422) would make him an invaluable contributor to the lineup card.

Best Look: Ozzie Smith was the coolest looking guy in the field always but the stripes and stirrups give the backflips even more pop.

Are they good?: While Boston should fall off precipitously in the AL, the NL is not so lucky and it’s most insufferable fan base should still have much to yammer about. The Cards have one of the best pitching staffs in the league finishing with a 3.80 team ERA in 2019, good for 2nd best in the NL, and lost only their worst performing starter RHP Michael Wacha in the offseason. Offensively they leave a little to be desired but like many NL teams their older stars (C Yadier Molina (38), OF Dexter Fowler (34), and 3B/1B Matt Carpenter (34)) may have some additional pep in their step with, you guessed it, added rest and reps at DH. The only loss of note in their lineup is OF Marcell Ozuna who had 2 fairly underwhelming seasons under the archway and will likely be replaced by 24 year old OF Lane Thomas who had a promising, albeit in a limited sample size, rookie season (.316/.409/.684 in 44 plate appearances) The NL Central is loaded but with this continuity in uncertain times the birds should be the favored to repeat.

Tampa Bay Rays:

Last Season: 96-66, 2nd Place in AL East, AL Wild Card, Lost ALDS 3-2 to Houston

Best Player: RHP Charlie Morton. Finished 3rd in last year’s Cy Young voting after going 16-6 with a 3.05 ERA. Morton was a bit of a late bloomer struggling with injuries and effectiveness during his first 9 major league season (46-71 4.54 ERA) but the 36 year old has been improbably lights out the last 3 seasons. Since turning 33 Morton has gone 45-16 with a 3.24 ERA and 604 Strikeouts in 508.1 innings. A big reason for this upswing in numbers has been improved command and usage of his disgusting curveball that can make batters do this:

Fun Player: OF Kevin Kiermaier. Was 2nd in all of MLB with 17 outs above average which sounds like a very arbitrary made up statistic but watching catches like this make me want to believe the hype. His tremendous speed and range have already earned him 3 Gold Gloves. He also has a deadly accurate rocket arm to boot. Throw in an average of 21 steals and 10 triples per season and you can almost ignore his nonexistent plate presence in down years (.228/.278/.398 in 2019) and he becomes a borderline All-Star when even mediocre at the dish (.249/.306/.676 career line).

Best Look: The current but slightly altered version of their original uniforms are the way to go. The lettering free giant Ray hat logo is slick, the teal gradient lettering is one of a kind, and Devil Ray has always been a more apt name for the creature who took Steve Irwin from us anyway.

Are they good?: Like Tampa staple, Mel’s Hot Dogs, they are very good. The team won 96 games last year and returns it’s entire strong starting rotation including Morton, 2018 AL Cy Young winner LHP Blake Snell whose arm should be back at full strength after both elbow and furniture moving injuries limited him to 107.0 innings in 2019, and RHP Tyler Glasnow who showed last year how dominate he could be in a short stretch of season going 6-1 with 76 K’s and a 1.78 ERA in 60.2 injury limited innings last year. They did lose OF Tommy Pham to the Padres in a trade but getting slugger OF Hunter Renfroe (33 HR in 2019) in exchange and the highly suspected dramatic decline of their divisional foe Red Sox, who I once again need to mention traded a top 5 player in the league for a rosin bag and tax cuts, should leave the Rays sitting pretty to battle neck and neck with the Yankees for the AL East Crown.

Texas Rangers

Last Season: 78-84, 3rd in AL West, Missed Playoffs.

Best Player: RHP Corey Kluber. A lot of the Rangers’ hopes for this season will be pinned on the assumption they acquired the Cy Young winning pitcher that went a combined 56-20 from 2016-18 and not the 2019 version that lost most of his season to injury and struggled with effectiveness prior to that (2-3 5.80 ERA in only 35.2 innings).

Fun Player: UTIL Danny Santana. Quietly had one of the wildest breakout seasons since the steroid era. At 5’11 185 he doesn’t appear to be a juicer but he essentially came from out of nowhere to crank 28 homers, steal 21 bags and slash .283/.324/.534 after 5 previous seasons of near anonymity. Santana actually had a pretty solid debut season batting .319 and swiping 20 bags in 101 games for the Twins in 2014. However, he dropped off the face of the earth for the next 4 years bouncing between AAA and the majors with both the Twins and Braves while putting up a putrid stat line of .219/.256/.319 and 6 home runs across 263 MLB games. He finally found a full time MLB home in Texas last season and along with impressive offensive number flexed his versatility starting at 7 different positions for the surprising scrappy Rangers. Look for more of the same or a PED suspension in 2020.

Best Look: My trusted design consultant Nate Bitterman told me it was their new baby blues, but I think they’re butt so I gotta go with the early 90’s all whites that really pop after you beat up Robin Ventura.

Are they good?: With an added influx of excitement and cash from a wildly unnecessary and ugly as sin new ballpark they’re sure hoping so. With how stacked their division is and how flukey a lot of the numbers that got them to a not even .500 finish in 2019 were, the focus of most Texas fans will remain on whether high school football will proceed as planned so Jimison Cooter can get his shot at winning state. LHP Mike Minor (14-10 3.59 ERA 200 K in 208.1 innings) and RHP Lance Lynn (16-11 3.67 ERA 246 K in 208.1 innings) formed a surprisingly formidable 1-2 punch at the start of their rotation. Throwing Kluber into this mix gives them 3 starters on the wrong side of 30 with high end capabilities but consistency concerns. Lynn stunk out loud for the Twins in 2018 (7-8 5.10 ERA in 20 starts) so I’m very resentful of his resurgence and positive he at least will again be trash. Also trash, 2B Rougned Odor’s contact rate. I’m as pro cool named homer stroker as you can be, but a second baseman with a .205 batting average, a .283 OBP and an AL high 178 strikeouts looks real Ugglay.

Toronto Blue Jays

Last Season: 67-95, 4th Place in AL East, Missed Playoffs

Best Player: 3B Vladimir Guerrero Jr. aka Baby Vladdy. Freshly turned 21 years old he put up a very respectable stat line his rookie season of .272/.339/.433 with 15 HR and 69 RBI. This however appears to just be the tip of his vast iceberg of potential. Vladdy has dominated every level of baseball he’s played slashing .331/.414/.531 across the minor leagues including a ridiculous .343/.420/.593 in 39 games at AAA. His prodigious power potential was on display on the national stage of the midsummer classic when he hit a record 91 home runs during the Home Run Derby including a mind boggling 40 in a single round. Jays fans are salivating over the CN Tower level heights the chonky king’s abilities may reach.

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Fun Player: SS Bo Bichette. While eyes were focused in on one multi-time All-Star's power hitting progeny, Dante Bichette's son showed up at the end of July and stole the show. Blasting 11 round trippers in just 46 games the young Bichette provided additional support that the long ball gene may be hereditary. Canadians are likely furious they won't get to see a full year out of the 22 year old who put up a .311/.358/.571 line until their southerly neighbors get their health crisis sorted out. Expect many an open letter calling our country "gosh darn hosers."

Best Look: The current blue alternates are one of the finest jerseys in baseball. They decluttered the bird logo from previous iterations and show off their unique retro font. Also the fit worn during one of the most iconic bat flips in the history of the game.

Are they good?: Not quite yet but they are assembling a bit of a juggernaut. With a trio of promising young major league sons Guerrero (21), Bichette (22) and 2B Cavan Biggio (24) the only hole in their infield is at 1B which will be manned by Travis Shaw who had a horrific 2019 (.157/.281/.270) or something that is 6’4 255 lbs and called Rowdy Tellez which sounds very fun at parties but also hit a dismal .227 last year. Their rotation leaves much to be desired beyond newly acquired Korean ace LHP Hyun-Jin Ryu (14-5 2.32 ERA in 2019) but help is on the way in the form of 23 year old RHP Nate Pearson who throws triple digit heaters and went 5-4 with a 2.30 ERA and 119 K in 101.2 innings across 3 levels of the minors last season.

Washington Nationals

Last Season: 93-69, 2nd Place in NL East, NL Wild Card, World Series Champion 4-3 over the Buzzer Boys

Best Player: RHP Stephen Strasburg. Strasburg burst onto the scene in 2010 as one of the most heralded pitching prospects in the history of baseball with a tantalizing triple digit fastball. He immediately lived up to the hype striking out 14 batters, walking none and giving up 2 runs across 7 innings in what was dubbed “Strasmas”. An electric rookie season was cut short however by a UCL tear resulting in Tommy John surgery. Injuries and injury protection combined to subdue some of his luster and reduce his fastball velocity into the mere mid 90s but the 2019 playoffs showed on a national stage exactly why Strasburg was so rapturously greeted into the league. After going an impressive 18-6 with a 3.32 ERA and 251 K in a league high 209 innings Strasburg was a dominate 5-0 with a 1.98 ERA and 47 K in 36.1 playoff innings in route to a World Series MVP. The Nationals will look to the 31 year old to continue that level of performance in the coming seasons after inking him to a then record 7 year $245 million this offseason.

Fun Player: OF Juan Soto. He’s just 21 years old and across his first two MLB seasons is already putting up a perennial All-Star line of .282/.401/.548 with an average of 34 yabos and 110 RBI. At the age of 20 he shimmied at the plate all playoffs and hit .333/.438/.741 with 3 dingers while stunting on Alex Bregman in the World Series. At the age of 20 I broke the legs on my dorm couch and propped it up on two desk chairs before losing circulation in my legs because my feet could no longer touch the ground.

Best Look: Gonna take a bold stance here and say it’s actually their new spring training/alternate uniforms. Mainly because they banish their customary Walgreens W to a single arm patch.

Are they good?: The defending World Series champion’s lineup takes a big hit losing 3B Anthony Rendon and his absurd .319/.412/.598 line to go along with an MLB high 126 RBI. They’ll look to fill this void with rookie Carter Keiboom who despite having a kickass sports name was ice cold in a limited 11 game early season cameo (.128/.209/.282) before a strong year at AAA (.303/.409/.902). Joining him to hopefully form a lukewarm platoon will be 34 year old utility man Asdrubal Cabrera who got improbably hot for the Nats (.323/.404/.565 in 38 games) after being frankly deservedly cut from the Rangers in August (.235/.318/.393 in 93 games with Texas). They play in a pretty strong division with 3 other playoff contenders and a AAAA team so it’s going to be an uphill battle for them to even get back into the playoffs. Of course I didn’t think they would make the playoffs last season after losing Bryce Harper either so definitely look for them to repeat. A 3 headed monster at the start of their rotation with Strasburg, 3 time Cy Young Winner RHP Max Scherzer and LHP Patrick Corbin (14-7 3.25 ERA 238 K in 202 innings) does makes a shortened schedule play right into their favor.